Fantasy Mediums

It's amazing how one can become what he wants to be so so easily. At least in the eyes of others, that is. The image I display has always had some sort of subconscious fantasy attached to it. Style doesn't define a person, it defines their inner most desires. You are what you pretend to be.

we will start with the long hair. One of my favorite questions any one has ever asked me was "why did you grow your hair long?". It was something I had never really though about at the time, but one the question was out there, I knew it would stay with me for a long time. It take a good amount of self research to determine your own past motives, and the research in very rewarding. I had no answer when it was asked. I think I just tossed off some lame joke to try and make myself seem enigmatic and cool.

once I started pondering the question, I found its roots went quite deep. Back into childhood even. Over the years I would maybe go back to and old hero of mine from the age of 7. For this example we'll use the ultimate warrior. He was my favorite wrestler when I was in to that kind of thing. He had pretty long hair. I know that's not the best example, but as I though more and more of all the things I worshiped as a child, I began to find so many more connections from my heros to myself. From personality right now to appearance.

as I got older, we get into the lord of the rings look, the Jesus, the 60's and 70's rock and roll, and most recently the jedi.

I think about star wars more and more everyday. The past two night I have had star wars dreams. Everyday I find myself looking more and more like obi-wan. Or at least his round headed younger brother.

all I want to do is incorporate the force and the jedi code into my day to day life. I want to write songs about being a jedi. Maybe next week I'll want pirate songs. Its has happened before.

song are another thing. If anyone follows my music (the only two people who read this are Kim and Ryan, who are ironically the only two people who have heard my music), you will note that my musical idols at the time of writing directly influence how my songs sound. Mountain goats, NMH, Neil young, destroyer , pink mountintops, etc etc etc.

there's no conclusion to this. none what so ever. its all just a thought. many thoughts rolled into one poorly spelled dyslexic mess of a rant, submitted in blog form. hope oyu enjoyed it.

Merriment and song

I haven't felt anything real in weeks. Even the food I eat is completely processed and manufactured to the point where if I eat rice I feel like I'm on a foreign adventure. Long ago someone tried to explain to me the evolution of our boxes and our reliance on them. Wake up in my house, get in my car, go to my work place, get back in my car, come to my house watch TV play on the computer. Perhaps get in my car and go to some other bog box somewhere. Its a very sound theory. I'm trapped in a goddman box.
so trapped that when I was between boxes this I felt the rain. Usually water only hits me in another box I call shower, but this was being made by something else. Something real. What was I to think?
I wish I had stayed outside. Even now I want to promise to myself to limit my boxes and move back to reality. But then I realize that I'm not out there. I'm at my computer box writing this to everyone else on their boxes. I don't see an escape anytime soon.
so often I promise that I will eat right, ignore all distractions, walk everywhere and see what's real again. It never happens. Everyone takes the easy road eventually I suppose.
the only real thing I have is the music. It can make all the box problems go away if only for a few minutes. It like hearing someone through paper thin walls talking to you about the other side of the box. How marvelous it is and how marvelous you can be.
if only we had the courage to step into that world.