With Prairie Eyes
I seem to be split in two.
Maybe split isn't the right word. Rather, there seems be a divide in my psyche. After glancing over a brief internet definition of Freud's theory of personality, it seems evident that the "split" is between my Id and my Superego. The id seeks pleasure without thought to what is practical or moral, and the Superego is essentially a moral conscience. Theoretically theses two parts of my psyche should be moderated my my ego. My sense of self. However it appears that my ego has a bias. A bias that seems based on weather or not I have a moustache.
it sounds strange, I know and it's only a theory. However, there is evidence that supports when I port hair on my upper lip, my ego seems to favour the id. In turn, sans moustache it seems to favour the superego.
Another theory suggests he division may be related to time spent in the Yukon Territory, with the id being favoured during time spent there.
In any event, it all comes down two the two extremes. Hedonism versus asceticism. Thats the divide. There's an old saying "all things in moderation, including moderation". seems a very reasonable way to go about things. Whats happening here i can only really put into a simile. It's like getting really drunk, smoking, staying up all night, taking someone home with you, and then waking up going to work, feeling guilty, sad and nauseas and swearing that you'll never do it again. the only thing is that its on a much larger scale.
Spring and Summer, Fall and Winter.
I won't get into my moustached/Yukon escapes of 2009, suffice to say they were pleasurable and viewed without consequence. The last few months however have been a different story. there was no cutting back on the things i loved to do. There was a rejection of them, if only subconsciously. A complete abstinence of worldly pleasures.
Cigarettes. I stopped. I didn't really want to. I love smoking. My body fought the withdrawal hard, but the superego did not let me crave cigarettes. Alcohol. October saw me touch not a drop. Coffee was only an excuse to leave the house. As for sex, well abstinence truly is the driest sex of all. But I digress.
All of this was brought on by a memory. A memory brought on by a video clip of a beautiful woman singing a disdainful song to a "moustache-d man with the prairie eyes". She goes on to rhyme that much to his surprise, she found out what he did last night.
The memory is of that woman, and of me shaving my moustache shortly after the events she sang about took place. I shaved it because to me, it was a symbol of of my lifestyle at the time. A lifestyle that had just hurt someone very close to me. I hoped that she too would see the symbolism in my gesture. I still wonder if she ever did.
Maybe split isn't the right word. Rather, there seems be a divide in my psyche. After glancing over a brief internet definition of Freud's theory of personality, it seems evident that the "split" is between my Id and my Superego. The id seeks pleasure without thought to what is practical or moral, and the Superego is essentially a moral conscience. Theoretically theses two parts of my psyche should be moderated my my ego. My sense of self. However it appears that my ego has a bias. A bias that seems based on weather or not I have a moustache.
it sounds strange, I know and it's only a theory. However, there is evidence that supports when I port hair on my upper lip, my ego seems to favour the id. In turn, sans moustache it seems to favour the superego.
Another theory suggests he division may be related to time spent in the Yukon Territory, with the id being favoured during time spent there.
In any event, it all comes down two the two extremes. Hedonism versus asceticism. Thats the divide. There's an old saying "all things in moderation, including moderation". seems a very reasonable way to go about things. Whats happening here i can only really put into a simile. It's like getting really drunk, smoking, staying up all night, taking someone home with you, and then waking up going to work, feeling guilty, sad and nauseas and swearing that you'll never do it again. the only thing is that its on a much larger scale.
Spring and Summer, Fall and Winter.
I won't get into my moustached/Yukon escapes of 2009, suffice to say they were pleasurable and viewed without consequence. The last few months however have been a different story. there was no cutting back on the things i loved to do. There was a rejection of them, if only subconsciously. A complete abstinence of worldly pleasures.
Cigarettes. I stopped. I didn't really want to. I love smoking. My body fought the withdrawal hard, but the superego did not let me crave cigarettes. Alcohol. October saw me touch not a drop. Coffee was only an excuse to leave the house. As for sex, well abstinence truly is the driest sex of all. But I digress.
All of this was brought on by a memory. A memory brought on by a video clip of a beautiful woman singing a disdainful song to a "moustache-d man with the prairie eyes". She goes on to rhyme that much to his surprise, she found out what he did last night.
The memory is of that woman, and of me shaving my moustache shortly after the events she sang about took place. I shaved it because to me, it was a symbol of of my lifestyle at the time. A lifestyle that had just hurt someone very close to me. I hoped that she too would see the symbolism in my gesture. I still wonder if she ever did.
posted by Jonathan at 6:23 AM
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