Violins and Tambourine

What really is there to talk about on a day like today. As much as I would like to be up on major new events around the world, I'm just too tired. A lot of money has gone to the victims of the tsunami. Billions of dollars thus far. Its nice to see the world caring. That said, lets move on.
so here I am back at SIAST back in the computer lab listening to music playing on the computer. Who knows someday I might learn something.
where has my ability to articulate and organize my thoughts gone? I make that statement so often and have been making it for so long, I don't believe I ever was articulate. Maybe I have a rare gem here and there, but really I would probably need to be on this keyboard all day to get something decent out of myself. I've grown tired and I cant seem to break out of that. November I was a slave to television, what is it now? What am I a slave to now? Embarrassment I think. I'm so determined for no one to ever hear my music that I cant play if there is another person in the house. Maybe that should be my new years resolution that was never made. To sing and play no matter who will hear. I still have this insecure high-school demeanor as part of my personality. Why why why!? Its been 3.5 years since I graduated, I grew in many many ways, but there are some part of that teenage angst that refuses to leave. why cant I suck it up for a few minutes. I still ignore my parents when they try to talk to me....No real reason for that. why cant I just play and sing loudly and not worry what people think about it? Perhaps its all part of the Leo pride. When I play with a band I feel fine doing what I do. I but by myself I have no support. I'm dependent on everyone else. Ironically I don't like working with other musicians. I;m the alpha male and if that is ever threatened..... The only thing is I don't have anything to protect. Its complicated but I'm sure the answers will come to me. I'm tired, wake me up when winter is over.