Monotony
Monotony is dealing with the same product in a seemingly meaningless way, tens of thousands of times in an 8 hour day. My father said the most profound thing he's ever said to me today. "...That's why people go out and get an education".
These last 6 weeks, I've been forced into thinking about something I've never wanted to think about before. I still don't don't want to think about it, but as I say, I'm being forced. Not by a situation, but by outside influences and their goddamn questions. This dreaded topic is of course of personal long-term future. That seemingly cute question that never required a real answer, suddenly really requires one. "what do you want to be when you grow up?" turns into "you're grown up, what are you going to do now?". There's also no Santa Claus and Star Wars wasn't real.
The point is, that there is no worse feeling then being brought down to the effects of the status quo. I suddenly feel like I should go find a wife and a career. I don't want either, I don't need either, but everyone one else wants me to have them. The real problem is that I tend to respond to myself in the same way everyone else does and its bringing me down hard. I never thought that wanting a life of being a pizza boy, playing guitar and traveling would make people so upset. That's my best case scenario if you replace pizza boy with working in a record store.
Back to the subject, how do I get over all of this? All I need is to be content for the next 4 months. I don't want to work in a factory warehouse.
When I think backwards, I had it all figured out. Back in the klondike I had what I needed. I had a job I didn't mind, people I could really talk to, people to play music with, and even someone to share a bed with. All those people are scattered in either Victoria or Montreal now. I came home because I wanted to record music. For some reason it never occurred to me to follow anyone.
so now here we are, back at square one. Loading boxes on to palates, closest friends are all far away, no one in my bed, and playing music with and for no one.
It's safe to say at this point I'm up for suggestions.
These last 6 weeks, I've been forced into thinking about something I've never wanted to think about before. I still don't don't want to think about it, but as I say, I'm being forced. Not by a situation, but by outside influences and their goddamn questions. This dreaded topic is of course of personal long-term future. That seemingly cute question that never required a real answer, suddenly really requires one. "what do you want to be when you grow up?" turns into "you're grown up, what are you going to do now?". There's also no Santa Claus and Star Wars wasn't real.
The point is, that there is no worse feeling then being brought down to the effects of the status quo. I suddenly feel like I should go find a wife and a career. I don't want either, I don't need either, but everyone one else wants me to have them. The real problem is that I tend to respond to myself in the same way everyone else does and its bringing me down hard. I never thought that wanting a life of being a pizza boy, playing guitar and traveling would make people so upset. That's my best case scenario if you replace pizza boy with working in a record store.
Back to the subject, how do I get over all of this? All I need is to be content for the next 4 months. I don't want to work in a factory warehouse.
When I think backwards, I had it all figured out. Back in the klondike I had what I needed. I had a job I didn't mind, people I could really talk to, people to play music with, and even someone to share a bed with. All those people are scattered in either Victoria or Montreal now. I came home because I wanted to record music. For some reason it never occurred to me to follow anyone.
so now here we are, back at square one. Loading boxes on to palates, closest friends are all far away, no one in my bed, and playing music with and for no one.
It's safe to say at this point I'm up for suggestions.
posted by Jonathan at 9:51 PM
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