DiscoveryBlog

About that black cat I met yesterday....

2010-01-08T22:59:00.005-06:00

I've become a wretched shell of a man.
Not in all ways, of course. I've just been victimized by my own free will. The decisions I've made (especially those I've made when under the influence of alcohol, an erection, or both) have been for the most part, very poor. Not poor in the way that my life is going badly or poor in the way that they've led to mistakes bearing dire consequences, but poor morally. Mostly meaning selfish.

Now, i think being selfish makes a lot of sense most of the time. after all, if you can't treat yourself, who can you treat. and then i could go off on a tangent of there being no such thing as a selfless act, etc, etc. but that's not the subject of this particular train of though, and i must be careful not to de-rail. the question I've posed is; which is more evil? an inconsiderate selfish act, or a carefully considered, but ultimately selfish act? the question makes little sense, really. when it comes down to it, each scenario could have so many variables that there's no point in even bothering to separate the two. Conscious, unconscious, malicious, sympathetic. It's makes little difference.

I'm still losing track of my immediate concern, but we'll focus on my inability to concentrate another time. This is (as cliche as it may sound) about the battle between good and evil. The angel on my shoulder is no where to be found. My actions are becoming more corrupt and selfish by the day. The long blonde idealist of my early adulthood is fading further into the shadows of the past, and what was once only a mildly cynical spark has become a wildfire of misanthropy. I may start growing horns at any moment, and the worst part is the artistic satisfaction that i get from lamenting my mis-steps. Each seemingly subconscious less-than-heroic act gets looked back upon, devoured, digested, and ultimately shit out again in the form sad song. It's nothing new. Painters, poets, musicians, writers.... They've been creating misery and turning it in to art for hundreds of years.

So what can i do? If movies have taught me anything, the only way to redeem myself is to have a child, preferably twins (boy and a girl) and not have them know that i'm their father while they're growing up. Then i have to destroy my daughter's home and cut off my son's hand shortly before revealing to him that i'm his father. if that plan goes well from there, my son will eventually confront me, and try to convince me that there is still good in me and then i'll prove him right by throwing a nasty old man down a pit to his demise. then, i'll start to die but not before my son realizes i'm actually an ok guy and then he'll cremate my remains on a floating pyre while his friends dance in celebration. finally he'll see my ghost reunited with some of my other ghost friends looking down on him.

Redemption is hard to come by i suppose, but if that's what it takes....

Inspiration Without Concentration

2009-12-06T05:44:00.002-06:00

I can't seem to focus. Distractions are everywhere, even on a lonely night shift at a downtown hotel. The wind whistles viciously through the doors, the radio plays Monday, Monday by the Mamas and the Papas, and faintly in the distance I hear some dummy howling at the moon, refusing to let the party die at 4am. Each of these is more than enough to break the small amount of concentration I need to write a full cohesive sentence. We're nearly at a paragraph now, and you wouldn't believe the time it's taken to get this far.

I've always thought of myself as a writer. I've always believed that I'm a great writer, and why shouldn't I be? My mom and my aunt told me how great I was a long time ago. I don't need any training, or knowledge of grammar and prose. I'm a natural. I was born to write. I'm like one of those apple cheeked, potato-faced American Idol contestants. They know they're good singers, they don't have to know about pitch or keys and fuck all y'all if you don't believe in them, because they're gonna show y'all and one day you're gonna line up to see them sing. That's like me, but with writing. The blogosphere is really just one gigantic American Idol audition show.

Where was I?...Oh right! concentration and losing focus.

Really, I just need discipline, but how do you learn discipline? Karate? I still enjoy writing, despite the humility I've gained. I'm going to keep it up and hopefully get better at it. I've even considered taking some university type English and creative writing classes. I probably won't, but I've at least considered it.

I have hundreds inspirations and ideas floating around wildly in the hollow centre of my brain. I just have no idea how to organize them efficiently. Just grasping at straws. I'm a kid with ADD going out frog hunting. Problem is that there's fireflies and minnows and other cool stuff to be caught as well. The ideas fly around like fireflies, hop like frogs, swim like minnows. I can only catch one at a time, but I'm running from lake to swamp to field trying to catch them all at once. I have no gameplan and I'm too excited to make one. I'm used to instant gratification, and I'll be damned if I waste my time getting organized.

Oh damn. Now I've wandered too far into the woods. I've forgotten my conclusion. I had one, I swear. Tip of the tongue, or tip of the fingers, rather. It had something to do with distractions and impatience, I think. Or maybe it was some sort of call for aid.

Oh well. It'll come to me.......

Cyclical Creative Theory

2009-11-22T03:13:00.007-06:00

I really don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Fueled by day old coffee, an e-mail that contained only one lousy sentence, and the sheer monotony of the hotel night audit, i came up with this. It reminds me of the Far Side cartoon where Einstein discovers that time is actually money. Picture me with a chalkboard and a lab coat.

Life Inspires Art
/ \
Inspiration Gives Art Life - -Art Imitates Life
\ /
Imitation causes Inspiration

I'm also working on one about how indignity leads to nerdiness.
maybe next week.

With Prairie Eyes

2009-11-16T06:23:00.003-06:00

I seem to be split in two.

Maybe split isn't the right word. Rather, there seems be a divide in my psyche. After glancing over a brief internet definition of Freud's theory of personality, it seems evident that the "split" is between my Id and my Superego. The id seeks pleasure without thought to what is practical or moral, and the Superego is essentially a moral conscience. Theoretically theses two parts of my psyche should be moderated my my ego. My sense of self. However it appears that my ego has a bias. A bias that seems based on weather or not I have a moustache.

it sounds strange, I know and it's only a theory. However, there is evidence that supports when I port hair on my upper lip, my ego seems to favour the id. In turn, sans moustache it seems to favour the superego.

Another theory suggests he division may be related to time spent in the Yukon Territory, with the id being favoured during time spent there.

In any event, it all comes down two the two extremes. Hedonism versus asceticism. Thats the divide. There's an old saying "all things in moderation, including moderation". seems a very reasonable way to go about things. Whats happening here i can only really put into a simile. It's like getting really drunk, smoking, staying up all night, taking someone home with you, and then waking up going to work, feeling guilty, sad and nauseas and swearing that you'll never do it again. the only thing is that its on a much larger scale.

Spring and Summer, Fall and Winter.

I won't get into my moustached/Yukon escapes of 2009, suffice to say they were pleasurable and viewed without consequence. The last few months however have been a different story. there was no cutting back on the things i loved to do. There was a rejection of them, if only subconsciously. A complete abstinence of worldly pleasures.

Cigarettes. I stopped. I didn't really want to. I love smoking. My body fought the withdrawal hard, but the superego did not let me crave cigarettes. Alcohol. October saw me touch not a drop. Coffee was only an excuse to leave the house. As for sex, well abstinence truly is the driest sex of all. But I digress.

All of this was brought on by a memory. A memory brought on by a video clip of a beautiful woman singing a disdainful song to a "moustache-d man with the prairie eyes". She goes on to rhyme that much to his surprise, she found out what he did last night.

The memory is of that woman, and of me shaving my moustache shortly after the events she sang about took place. I shaved it because to me, it was a symbol of of my lifestyle at the time. A lifestyle that had just hurt someone very close to me. I hoped that she too would see the symbolism in my gesture. I still wonder if she ever did.

Free jazz, from all directions.

2009-11-09T23:44:00.002-06:00

-or-

Saxophones? You gotta fucking be kidding me.

There's no reason for this. Elevator jazz from the radio that i am forbidden to touch, and modern lounge jazz coming from the bar that shares my wall. Here i am, another day, hard at work. Here i sit, behind a narrow desk. Here i sit bombarded by jazz scales. my mind starts to soften. i start breathing through my mouth and i fear i may start drooling at any second.

They play this music for cats at the SPCA. Cats in tiny cages. it makes the cats feel like their not in a cage. puts them in a limbo between conscious and unconscious. it makes the cages and the boredom less cruel. or such is my understanding of it. i don't think that's the idea behind my jazz overdose.

My heard hurts and i feel like i could doze off at any second. i try to drink coffee but it just makes me more and more aware of the jazz. "is that a muzak version of fire and rain?" i'll think to myself, "or is is wild wild west?".

No, no!

I'll lay low and just take it. i'll make my move when the time is right.....

.....The new shift has arrived! Time to make a break for it.

Just in the nick of time too. i think the band next door has just broken into a bebop version of Black Magic Woman.

Ebb and Flow

2008-12-29T02:55:00.003-06:00

Its getting harder to look inwards. movies have been telling me for years that people don't change. what they forgot to tell me, and you for that matter, is that we grow up and evolve and leave things behind. sometimes even passion can get left behind. every passion is different. each one requires a different method to rekindle. what that means is that if you've lost 3 or 4 old passions, you have your work cut out for you. you can run yourself ragged trying to be what it is you thought you used to be, which really is never as good as you are now anyway.
i love to write. sometimes i forget how much i love to write. sometimes i just lose motivation to do so. getting that motivation back can be tricky, especially when you're not sure why you did it in the first place. is easy to be cynical at times such as those. say i'm just trying to form an image for myself. its all for vanity or some other superficial cause. and maybe it is. but not %100.
so what is it then?
i suppose its a conversation with myself.
getting to know myself a little better out loud.
and putting it out there just in case anyone is intersted.

an unpublished post from march '08

2008-03-12T02:18:00.003-06:00

theres a few different ways to explain such a collapse in physical health. they range from side effects of a common cold all the way to malnutrition and withdrawal symptoms. not being a medical doctor or at all educated in the finer works of the human body, i'm left as a lump, filling space in box roughly 16x10x10.
my personal health has always bee a huge mystery. not a pressing mystery, usually just a basic curiosity. i would call myself an apathetic hypochondriac.

unsupervised

2008-02-28T05:17:00.002-06:00

finally being paid for my free time.
sweep, tidy, mop, dispose of the trash fold a bit of laundry.
the next 7 hours are mine.
watch episodes of extras or the odd film.
drink a bit of of tea with honey.
write one lyrical poem every night.
finally getting things done.
how long can i keep this up?

Where the Wild Things Were

2008-02-17T23:17:00.002-06:00

So the storm rolls in through my room, and suddenly i'm pacing a grove in the floor trying to bring to life a shiny new pseudonym. just a new idea. something to keep it interesting for me.
the hours spent here are no waste. im getting things done. reading books of poetry and challenging myself to put music behind them, researching raccoon behaviors, and overcoming writing habits and hang-ups.
the night job keeps me busy. free time is seemingly endless, and exhaustion keeps it interesting.
the moonlight stays bright over the ocean, and lights a perfect field of vision across the water if you time it right.
all in all, adapting to a new kind of boredom can be made easy enough with the right intent.
eventually i imagine i'll even stop with this douche bag style of writing i tend to blog with.
until then......

-Jon Hardly

Zen and Quantum Theory

2008-02-11T21:25:00.000-06:00

This comes from the soggy depths of a vast pacific rain forest. Temperate rain forest. On my own.
all i have now is time to kill, and a desire to build a solid routine focusing on exercising my creative endevours around the schedule of a do-nothing job.
It's been a rough go, trying to build routine. its what i really want. a comfortable grind until the north starts to thaw. all this bouncing off the walls of one town to the walls of another has left me ragged an tired, but most of all submissive.
still....
there's something about being in transit. the feeling of anticipation and anxiousness is unmatched. that and the strange adoration for everything you see on your journey. like Townes Van Zandt said "there's no prettier sight than looking back on a town you left behind".
And its not a random hard to find feeling such as how you may feel being newly in love. it's similar, but its something you can do for yourself. something that is always in front of you and can be achieved at anytime. as masturbation is to the physical acts of love, vagabondage is to the emotional.

the overdose that left me parched

2008-01-15T02:10:00.000-06:00

my new mind is carved out of wood. never focused, always adaptable, everywhere and no where at once. tackling all complex subjects from me as a child, all the way to me in the future, with a few Dr Steve Brule style heath tips in there just for fun.
my new mind can write, but it is not heat resistant. more often than not its a little burned out.
i don't want to write. i just want to lay down. i sit and put my new mind in the lowest gear and we cruise along as i drift to dreams of oceans made of my favourite soft drinks and tropical fruit juices.
the doogie howser md theme song hurts my new mind. something so shrill and electronic has no business pasing through such a natural contraption. stil i see neil patrick harris at his computer now, struggling to understand the lesson he leared from this most recent "episode" in his life. my new mind plays a simpler and raw song while i search for my lesson.
,... today i felt like the only man on earth....... then i realized,
i was simply the luckiest.

Apathy vs Spirit -or- A Sudden Seemingly Meaningful Dream

2007-10-08T23:18:00.000-06:00

its a trying experience worrying about so many things. that's really the only thing that would motivate me to write anything down. fear of never having the same idea twice. worrying about health. fear of worthlessness in the shadow of the great big everything. worrying about vanities.
not to sound dramatic, but fully intending to be cliche, there is so much in my head it may burst at any moment. i try to use music to coax out a reasonable thought. the music didn't help. the ideas just float around lost in what i imagine as a crowded sphere like room, packed like gumballs in the movie store machine, all trying to escape at once. now i worry nothing will be able to string together in a long ramble. i fear that no one will really care.
it may be beneficial to be a little more honest. in my writing that is. i have no need to be honest in personal life. I'm just playing a part anyway. if i could say what i really wanted and understand what i wanted and have the whole world understand along with me. there's an enlightened thought right there.
moving around as do, maybe I've been caught playing to many parts. running back and forth between so many circles and groups that i cant quite decide which part to play and when. even looking at my wardrobe, i find clothes from the era of Vancouver, from the Yukon, from Saskatoon, from Mexico, from new zealand. from when i had so much confidence i wanted to be everywhere. from when i had so little, i refused to go anywhere. from when my stomping ground was the crazy cactus. from when ryan and dann were my circle. from when i was with maegan and it was kim, the fjords and mat busby. dig it.
so what am i know? who even? I'm trying hard to find out, but with so many distractions in a place like this, it get so hard to concentrate and the apathy takes over. television, laptop, movies, fantasy video games. how can my creative mind top all that stimulus? it can't, why bother? lucky for me the fear and neurosis sometimes overwhelm all of the distractions and we end up with a mess of garbled sentences like this.
so where was i? by now, i'm stated that i'm neurotic, i'm afraid, i have acquired so many different personalities with so many different people that i'm not entirely sure who or what i am, and i am laden with apathy due to being surrounded with readily available entertainment. i should also mention that i have recently taken to dismissing things as "bullshit" or "cliche" if i feel threatened by them.
OK, then that's on the plate. feelings feelings, nothing more than feelings, and so on. i'm just trying to line up what i have so i can paint myself an accurate picture of whats going on here. now with all of this, there are also dreams. deja vu, re-occurring themes and phrases in certain days and incredibly vivid re-occurring dreams. the worst part, is to that the reoccurring part is about a person. a woman. either her and i being together and un-relentingly happy (dream happy), or her ignoring me completely (that dream style where nothing you can do with make them flinch). its hard to watch myself sink into this ridiculous obsession. like seeing myself slowly go mad over this woman. proper stalker mad.

now at the end with all of this out in the open (to me at least) i can finally see the big picture. now all i have to do is decode it. find out what is is i have to do to rid myself of Little worries and fears. somehow gets things back on track in order to know myself again. my solution so far is to abandon all of my possessions save for musical equipment, painting supplies and a backpack full of clothes, go back to the Yukon, build a house and either find that girl or get a dog. maybe both.
thoughts?
hmmmm........

More A Ferocious Animal is a Man Who's Made a Beast of Himself and Decides He's More Human Than He's Ever Been.

2007-04-08T20:11:00.000-06:00

Somewhere on my travels, i made an attempt at a weblog entry. i felt so very profound at the time and i knew it had to be written. unfortunately i was far to inebriated at the time to find my password for my webolg, so i wrote an email to myself.
as a side effect to my inebriation, what i wrote makes no sense whatsoever. i will post that entry for you now. I've cleaned it up to the point where there are now spaces between the words and I've fixed a few spelling mistakes. still, if you figure out what i was on about, please let me know.

Big Ideas and Full of Beans

great ideas pass us by like snakes in the grass pursued by the cruel child of adolescence. the Mexican keyboard halts my ambitious attempt to blog my amazing yet inebriated state of mind. as the virus of human thought creeps around my brain with a sweet pitter pater, the light leaves the world and wee are all left in the dark, as martyrs to our imaginations. in the dark, when its wet? none of it is quite tangible enough to get a solid grip on. hard times fall so many of us and several times this destined evening i have regarded something a friend told me as sheer brilliance. "there is no selfless act."
i can use that for all purposes, be they existential to procreational.
is that all there is. is that all i can recall? is there more that i can conjure up? you have to read to write i'm told and it was even mentioned musically at one point. i read like a madman and being one who can only conjure ideas as brief second of identity theft i believe myself now to be a writer. here we go again.
i{ve been told fond things, i've been told less. i've also been offered product to enlarge my manhood.
"what does it all mean?"
if anyone ever asks me that i will destroy them.
existential questions must be presented much more eloquently.
my question is this. if there is no selfless act, then is there also no selfish humanitarian act?
not an abrasive question, at least not meant to be. more just a question of greater valuer than the first comment.
there are selfish acts, and there are acts that benefit more than one party. the other party will always partially be the actor,but how many others
a mans worth is determined at birth
but a mans self is a creature that breathes plain as the trees.
something attached to the same life force, but something that represents its master.
something frightening and awe inspiring. unseen, they are pride and they are joy. an ambassador to the human race. something that needs to be taken care of as a house plant would. though it wil never die completely until its owner dies, it is a representative for that person. still only viewable by the person in charge, it is what drives the entire race to compassion and the true meaning of love, which is not between a man and a woman, but for life its self. love is only slang. the true meaning is for nothing but goodwill and declaration of humanity.
we can think and we can be proud. but we can only do so through slight bits of selfishness. without lookng out for love, how could we ever feel happiness? empathy? the best feeling a human being can feel is th understanding of sadness. the understanding of the thoughts from a room away. to read not a persons monologue, but they{re very present being all at once and to recognize it for the genuine feeling that it is. its the feeling that makes what we call heroes. its the feeling that makes us create versions of ourselves. its that feeling that makes life worth living.
the it only is that the love i feel in my heart is tainted.
it has nearly worn to thin to ever tread upon. though with drink and time, my pet comes back. through the woods as a kitten. always a kitten.shy but proud.
we grow into lynx and we roam alone. destined for life and only life. greatness is only a side effect of self and the love we have
sometimes it is not enough to keep these things to myself. sometimes the simply must be shared for my own self gratification. to present my findings to those who will listen
if they do, 1 might care.
there truly is no selfless act,and i wouldn't have it any other way.

well there you have it. the semi coherent ramblings of a man fueled with fictional literature and Mexican alcohol. i hope you enjoyed looking through the window of my madness.

The Past Is a Ferocious Animal

2007-04-08T19:19:00.000-06:00

old habits die hard, which is to say they get forgotten and neglected over time. especially internet habits, which start as a reaction to an uninteresting life. the paradox of this particular writing habit of mine, is that i only come back to it when life becomes uninteresting and there is nothing to write about. when i have things to say, I'm far too busy to be concerned with wanting to share it on this so-called "world wide web".
lucky for the 3 possible readers of this blog, my life right now is uninteresting, but I've recently become enamored with the concept of paradoxes (or is it paradoxi?) , and thus i feel like shouting from this crude electronic mountain.
currently, I'm struggling with my own residual self image. for the past 9 years or so, my appearance hasn't changed much, other that a few beards here and there. in an ill-advised and irony/devil and Daniel Johnston inspired act of violence the other day, i changed what i look like. my mind's eye has yet to adapt, and for lack of a better term, its freaking me out. it feels as if I've stolen someone else body and discarded my own in a rubbish bin along the way. i do realized it will change eventually, but its incredibly painful to see something everyone else can no longer see.
a more pressing matter is my apparent lack of focus in this, what i though would be a brilliant, login essay on the state of the world since my last entry. however, to be honest nothing much has really changed. nothing thats still relevant anyway. love comes, love goes, new love comes, wash rinse and repeat.
the real skinny goes a little like this. boy takes trip to earn piece of mind, boy puts piece of mind on shelf and lives in parents basement, refuses to work and tries to be an artist. surprisingly no one tries to stop him this time. boy meets girl, boy meets girl, boy meets girl, boy meets girl. boy wondering is girls like him. boy guesses it doesn't matter because he'll be gone in a month. boy wonders if its shallow to pursue romance for such a short time. boy records extended player record. boy cuts of all his hair. boy is going back to the Yukon soon where things make the most sense to him.

two-thousand six

2006-12-13T19:40:00.000-06:00

well is been a long year full of many things. or maye its been a short year full of few things. it doesnt really matter. no one care about the year in rhetospect. the world events, or celebrity deaths or funny pet stories.

All that really matters in mid december of any year is Jonathan Discovery's favourite musical delights over the past 12 months.

i know its may still be early and i'm jumping the gun, but i want to have my list posted before pitchfork does so no one will think i'm a poser on a bandwagon. and after going through their favourite videos of 2006 today, i felt i need to figuratively "step on it". yes, yes, i'm a self concious neurotic fuck. enjoy my personal music taste everyone.

10. Blood Meridian - Kick Up The Dust
this album is a bit of a late addition to the list. I've only been listening to in for a few weeks now, but there's something about it. fittingly, the band many of the same qualities as black mountain or the pink mountaintops. but instead of sludgy 70's rock or lo-fi fuzz rock, it has more of a polished alt country theme.

9. Bierut - Gulag Okestar
i really dont know what to say about this album. other than the composition is amazing. after listening to it i kind of feel like i have just doen a tour of eastern europe and the middle east in the 1930's. no sure why. the gypsy accoridan, the bazooki, the klezmer horns....wand whatever else is there. its an adventure

8. Andre Ethier - Secondathallam
I saw Andre Ethier by accident this year opening for the sadies. i had no idea he would be there, all i knew was that his previous album was at the top of my playlist for the better part of this year. so when i got home to hear this new one, of course i fell in love again. christopher sandes wild saloon style piano behing those harsh sometime dylan-esque vocals and lyrics is very much my cup of tea.

7. Islands - Return To The Sea
this album was far more epic than i imagined it to be when i first heard that these 2 ex-unicorns where forming a new band. with a 9 minute opening track i had no idea what i was in for. i'm not sure if this album is one of my favourites because of its epic songs, or for its amazingly catchy happy numbers like rough gem. is that flute a bruce cockburn ripoff, or am i crazy? in any case, its prime.

6. Flaming Lips - At War With The Mystics
it's weird to think that the flaming lips started as a band in the year that i was born. they've been around for 23 years. after 23 years it seems that most bands lose something, or were effected terribly by the musical trends of a generation (ie:the 80's), but not the lips. they just keep doing what they do. though many hipsters tend to say soft bulletin was that last hurrah for the lips, you really can't discount this album. one of the easiest albums to enjoy all year.

5. Mathletes - Fort Awesome
there really is nothing like sardonic homemade music. the band's personel includes Joe Mathlete, Cassie O'Presets and Robot McGee. features songs about androids prefering to be toasters over humans, raisins, driving girls to target and grownupland. this album is more fun than an exploding circus. Joe Mathlete will also explain today's marmaduke comic in his blog if you so desire. its probably the best thing ever.

4. Johnny Cash - American V: A Hundred Highways
its always a little scary listening to an album released by someone who has been dead for more than 2 years. not for supernatural purposes, but because you never know what some jerkass producer may have done to it. luckily rick rubin got this one completely right. the real beauty of this album is that its unfinsihed. some vocal takes seem more like rehersal takes, which gives it such an honest feel. when you hear that voice shake, its hard not to feel absolutely crushed. i would also like to say that mr cash has singlehandedly undone all the damage that was done by the movie "54" to the gordon lightfoot classic "if you could read my mind", and then some.

3. Rock Plaza Central - Are We Not Horses?
this is another album that i just started listening to maybe 2 weeks ago. it made it all the way to number 3 with good reason. at first it was a little odd. the vocals are so predominent in the mix that it throws you off gaurd a bit. but then, once your guard is down, you're in trouble. it sneaks into your blood. for me it reminds me of so much of my favourite music blended together. sometimes the instrumentation with sound like neutral milk hotel, sometimes the vocals with sound like the pixes. sometimes okkervil river. listening to this album would be best decribed by the scene in family guy where quagmire walks into the cartoon fight cloud. after he pops out of the cloud, he says "what the hell? did i just get laid?". yes. yes you did.

2. The Decemberists - The Crane Wife
i have to admit, i wasnt sold on this album upon first listen. but as a decemberists fan i bought it anyway.but i still had trouble with it. maybe it was the fact that i had just quit my job at the box factory, but suddenly this album and i just clicked. i literally listed to it about 7 times that day. i just couldnt get enough. though i'm still frantically trying to hold on to my idea that its their second best album after castaways and cutouts, its very quickly overtakign top spot as their triumph.....wait there it goes. yes, its the best album they've done.

1. The Thermals - The Body, The Blood, The Machine
i really dont know what it is about this album that i love. the first time i heard it, it was like a breath of fresh air, or maybe like a kick in the head reminding me that music can still just fucking rock! sometimes there is just an album that sticks out in your mind and you cant stop thinking about it. not to mention the trying to figure out the apocolyptic/judeao-christian lyrics. in the past two years of doing this, there has been one album that just blows over the competition and is a clear-cut 1st place. last year, clap your hands say yeah, 2004, the arcade fire. the patern has not changed and the thermals win this year by a landslide.

odd that numers 1 and 2 are both based out of portland. still there are a few more albums who maybe didnt get enough praise. for example i might catch flak for not posting Joanna Newsom's Y's or Tapes n Tapes the loon. the main reason for this is due to my inability to fully absorb all these albums. either that or the just didnt make the cut. so here are a list of albums which i have listened to and enjoyed, but didnt make the favourites list.

Joanna Newsom - Y's
Tapes n Tapes - the loon
Bonnie prince Billy - the letting go
cat power - the greatest
pink mountaintops - axis of evol
swan lake - beast moans
mountain goats - get lonely
tap tap - lanzafame
sparklehorse - dreamt for light years in the belly of a mountain

there are probably more i'm forgetting. the same thing happened last year. i didnt absorb albums in time and thus missed out on some of the best albums of 2005. well i didnt miss out. i just missed them on last years top 10. infact i listened to them for most of 2006. i wish i could have put them in the top 10 this year it would have made it so much easier. but instead i am giving them their own little section. please love these albums. at bare minimum the first 5 would have made the 2006 top 10

1. antony and the johnsons - i am a bird now
2. jens lekman - oh you're so silent jens
3. turner cody - the great migration
4. cuff the duke - cuff the duke
5. deadly snakes - porcella
6. animal collective - feels
7. final fantasy - has a good home
8. edan - beauty and the beat

and as a final deal, here are some of my favourite individual songs from the year. i'm probably missing thousands but thsi is way too long already

1. okkervil river - president's dead
2. thermals - an ear for baby
3. decemberists - crane wife 1 & 2
4. grandaddy - disconnecty
5. mathletes - pinnochiobot
6. Johnny Cash - if you could read my mind

oh and one last thing.
i mentioned i was looking at pitchfork's favourite videos of 2006. now i dont watch a lot of videos, but there's no way that any other video could beat this one by ok go. watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnQgrKQzseo

if you made it this far, you must really love me, or care what i think about stuff. thank you.

-Jonathan

Monotony

2006-09-27T21:51:00.000-06:00

Monotony is dealing with the same product in a seemingly meaningless way, tens of thousands of times in an 8 hour day. My father said the most profound thing he's ever said to me today. "...That's why people go out and get an education".

These last 6 weeks, I've been forced into thinking about something I've never wanted to think about before. I still don't don't want to think about it, but as I say, I'm being forced. Not by a situation, but by outside influences and their goddamn questions. This dreaded topic is of course of personal long-term future. That seemingly cute question that never required a real answer, suddenly really requires one. "what do you want to be when you grow up?" turns into "you're grown up, what are you going to do now?". There's also no Santa Claus and Star Wars wasn't real.

The point is, that there is no worse feeling then being brought down to the effects of the status quo. I suddenly feel like I should go find a wife and a career. I don't want either, I don't need either, but everyone one else wants me to have them. The real problem is that I tend to respond to myself in the same way everyone else does and its bringing me down hard. I never thought that wanting a life of being a pizza boy, playing guitar and traveling would make people so upset. That's my best case scenario if you replace pizza boy with working in a record store.

Back to the subject, how do I get over all of this? All I need is to be content for the next 4 months. I don't want to work in a factory warehouse.

When I think backwards, I had it all figured out. Back in the klondike I had what I needed. I had a job I didn't mind, people I could really talk to, people to play music with, and even someone to share a bed with. All those people are scattered in either Victoria or Montreal now. I came home because I wanted to record music. For some reason it never occurred to me to follow anyone.

so now here we are, back at square one. Loading boxes on to palates, closest friends are all far away, no one in my bed, and playing music with and for no one.

It's safe to say at this point I'm up for suggestions.

Reluctant to find, he's.....

2006-09-20T23:20:00.000-06:00

"my time is now wholely devoted to personal gain. And I feel fucking wonderful. How could I not really. In a city where the air never changes, you're bound to feel at home. changing subjects abruptly, what actually defines a functional alcoholic? I mean, its seems like it should be defined on whether or not your drinking effects your priorities. However, if you have no job ( by choice), and your only priority is to relax"

I wrote that, but never posted it several months ago after leaving Vancouver and arriving home in Saskatoon. I spent a month in my home town and the abruptly took off again up to the north klondike where I spent a wonderful summer. When I arrived back home this time, the story was extremely different.

Coming home with no plan for the future is probably the dumbest thing I have ever done, in contrast to coming home for exactly one month, being the smartest. Though alcoholism still may not effect my priorities, it still runs rampant. I am unemployed, but this time not by choice. As Bruce McCulloch could once be quoted to say "the only thing worse than having a job, is looking for one".

Though I am still mostly devoted to personal gain, the stagnant air in this town is starting to make me feel a little queasy. Also, there may be such a thing as being "too at home". Sometimes having pressure from an outside source in order to get things done is a blessing, and sometimes a curse. It can motivate, or it can make you feel completely and utterly useless and exhausted.

in short, coming home for a month is a vacation. Coming home indefinitely is a sentence.

The Short Version

2006-06-14T16:30:00.000-06:00

I realize that it may seem like I haven't posted anything in a while and its true. The problem is that I keep forgetting to hit the post button. I've been saving so many drafts lately and coming back to them that its impossible to keep up. Below I have posted something I wrote back in early may. Maybe more will come, however, I am in the Yukon and my computer time is limited. goodnight.

an old entry i forgot to post 2 months ago

2006-05-01T03:56:00.000-06:00

The other day I went our for a cigarette, and there was no weather. No breeze, and no sunshine. Just limbo, but in technicolor. The wasn't even any fresh air. Not that the air was stagnant or polluted, it was just air. Nothing fresh about it. In that one area of the driveway infront of my parent's house, it was as if everything was frozen, locked in a moment where nothing existed but the very space my body was occupying.

as I stood in that spot, confused and somewhat anxious about this apparent void of all weather I began to scan the horizon for any sign that weather existed elsewhere. In the distance I saw a tall pine sway only slightly. I moved 3 steps forward from where I stood and suddenly felt the sun on my back. 3 steps back, nothing. 3 more steps back and a cool breeze. 3 steps forward, nothing once again. No weather.

I would like to emphasize at this point that in this no weather zone, I have never felt so content with a temperature. When you think about every moment in your life, you are always either a little warm or a little chilly. There is never a perfect climate. As I stood thinking about this complete absence of weather, there no warmth as the was no chill. To further test this abnormality, I removed my blazer, under which I was wearing only a t-shirt. Remarkably (though predictably, given the tone of this entry) my body temperature had no noticeable fluxuation. With or without the blazer, I felt exactly the same.

after about 5 minutes of standing there, nearly done my cigarette, a breeze swept through my personal limbo. As if someone had abruptly turned the weather back on. I finished my cigarette and walked down the driveway to throw my butt into the street. The sun shone down hard on my back making my lazer an uncomfortably warm accessory. I removed in and walked back up the driveway towards the door. Halfway there a cold breeze hit my bare arms giving me a sudden rush of goosebumps. I made my way back inside and I just now realized that after the incident I didn't leave my house for the rest of that day.

Goin' On A Holiday

2006-03-29T22:11:00.000-06:00

As a grotesquely cynical person, by definition, I abhor all things cliche. Thus its difficult for me to depart any situation with a reasonable goodbye. So of course here I am at the end of my attempt at the west coast life with very little to say. I have a lot to think about while I recover in my less clostrophobic home. I've accomplished a lot, life experience wise I suppose. Worked for a large dot-com corporation, saw a few nice shows, wrote a few songs, witnessed the seedy underbelly of a city along with living above an east Indian video store across the hall from a crack dealer. Adventure? Excitement?A Jedi craves not these things.

Of course the one thing I'm left wondering, is why nothing at all went to plan. Why this winter away from snow and colder was so much more difficult on me than those -40 winters? Why I forced myself to tough it out, and why I came in the first place. I constantly feel short of breath here. As if I'm completely exausted but can find not contentment or even rest.

To be honest, living here has been lonelier than I've ever felt in my entire life. I live among 2 million other human beings and every time I leave my apartment I'm in a some kind of crowd. This place has a way of isolating you. I felt less alone living in a northern cabin by myself for 3 months. The weather and scenery may be gorgeous, but the people are colder than any winter Saskatchewan could ever offer.

So now we come to the end. Back to a smaller city where I can breathe again. Back where there are no stupid mountains to block my view. Just a whole lot of sky, and possibly a decent back into alcoholism. She is a sweet mistress.

The Constant Variable

2006-03-01T05:34:00.000-06:00

Van Gogh saw himself as a failure. Now he's a historical icon in the way of art. He's that ear guy right?....nevermind.
Of course the above statement isn't meant to be put forth in a way to make one think "gee, I think I'm a failure, so maybe I could..." Yeah. That's not the point of it at all. Its not meant to be motivational, or even optimistic. Its there, because to have that knowledge is to see something more of the man in his own paintings. To understand that upon painting starry night, dear Vincent was not satisfied. I put an image in my head of the man looking upon his finished , now masterpiece, and saying something along the lines of "rubbish."
it seems far fetched to counter the very culture you create. To never be able to appreciate that which so many others can. Unfortunately, this sad truth is apparent in all things beautiful.
everything else is either distraction or delusion.

The Shelf Life of an Ordeal

2006-02-22T03:47:00.000-06:00

Its difficult to force ones self not to believe that everything happens for a reason. That's things don't all happen for a reason. My time has gone this way and couldn't have gone any other. Destiny? Fate? Probably not something should dive into head first.
Now is the time of year where my dreams start to take meaning. Trying to turn that meaning into something beautiful is impossible. Dreams are so vulgar an spastic that they can only truly having meaning to the dreamer. Anything else is simply coincidence or incorrect interpretation.
there are many ways to completely vanish. I can be invisible anytime I want. In a big city like this, there is no consequence. Only delays. Delays are something far far worse in my mind. Consequence is immediate. Its harsh and mostly just. Delay is like being in limbo. Trapped indefinitely. Nothing you do will bring consequence. Only further delays.
Coasting along on the b-line, I saw the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. A woman in her 20's manages to find a seat. Among the rest of us in limbo, she has on her best bus face. The one thing we all share. She opens her backpack and reveals two knitting needles and a baby blue wool. She smiles to herself so discretely and begins to knit. Suddenly she created an entire universe within her person. I noticed immediately how her air had changed. Without a though or change in her physical surrounds of being, she left the limbo we all shared.
her face was the picture of serenity. She had no facial expression, not a smile, not a word. Just the look of someone deep into something only she could understand. She moved the yarn around the needles without thinking it seemed, but with ever moment that passed I could see her drift further and further from her actual surroundings. She calmly became something so spiritual and beautiful. A light that could only be seen by those who wanted to see it. She was completely free. Completely at peace.
of course al I could do was to watch from a distance. Trying to make myself seem like I was looking at something else. I didn't want to cause any more delays. The best part is, I feel like, if only for a moment, she took me with her. She didn't know it, but I stole a few seconds away from limbo. Her serene and simple act. That's all it took.
I wish I knew what that meant.

A Bird in the Hand

2006-01-28T00:55:00.000-06:00

Reflections on a Friday night in a filthy apartment:

I've learned to enjoy cleaning up after myself and even others. There's something undeniably gratifying about putting everything in its right place. In a world where I have no control, I've learned to take sanctuary in making the slightest changes to my surroundings. Not to mention it gives me a bit of an opportunity to hold a grudge against those you are cleaning up after. Its amazing how holding a grudge can make you feel better. Just giving yourself the tiniest bit of justification to complain about that which you cannot fully change.

Moments alone in this city are few, and far between. The most valuable skill I have acquired in my time here is learning how to be alone in a crowd of people. To be consumed by your own thoughts/reflections while the Hussle of the city does its thing in the background. Waiting for a bus in the freezing rain for 20 minutes can be pure heaven if you allow it to be. Its at the point now where when I have my place to myself, I get such a feeling of joy it can't be expressed in words. I can do whatever I want, and I often do nothing at all. Keeping up with the city is so unappealing to me. With great partying comes great responsibility. That's not really what I'm looking for right now.

creation is the most important thing in my life. Organizing my thoughts in a pleasing manner and recording them for later reference. Put the thoughts to music and you have 100% homegrown self-gratification. What may I ask, could be more important than that?

Nothing, my beard is just a little tight. That's all.

2006-01-20T21:19:00.000-06:00

This is the first time I've really seen myself in years.
I've always hid behind things. Since I was at least 16. In order to deal with what I believed were my ineptitudes, I hid behind whatever hair I could grow. I've always been a defenceman. Its always been my position since I was thrown into 10 years of hockey.
so here I am now. Just a regular guy again. Last time I left myself wide open like this I was knocked down hard. It spawned a list of vices that streched for miles and miles. Though most of them remain, I can at least see myself a little clearer. I'm not too bad looking.
now that the lion has lost his mane what happens?
I guess I'll have to keep you posted for that one.

Discovery Keeps On Discoverin'

2006-01-05T04:01:00.000-06:00

I've been listening to a lot of books on tape recently. I say books on tape because saying books on CD just doesn't have a nice enough flow of the tongue. The nice thing about listening to a book rather than reading it is that when reading a book, a person will generally only ready it once. When I listen I can listen as often as I want and not feel tied down by the pages. It may seem absurd, and I probably makes me sound like the laziest man in the world but I feel I get more out of literature this way. In the past 2 days I've listened to god bless you Dr kavorkian by Kurt Vonnegut 4 times. If I read the book it would have taken me longer than two days just to finish it. I get the same feeling from listening to a book that I do from reading it, it just enhances what I get out of it.
speaking of which, my new subject of research (that's what I do all day when I'm unemployed by the way. Research random things) is humanism. Its not any sort of religious dogma or anything, just a lovely granfalloon of people with the idea that we should be decent to one another without expecting any supernatural (or superficial) rewards. I would love to go into more about it but, a) I'm not a very articulate person, and b) I don't think people want to hear about it from me. Check wikipedia if you really want to know.
I'm back in Vancouver now. I have braved the glass shattering cold weather mixed with warm family love for 2 weeks, and I had a lovely time thank you. Now the honeymoon of unemployment and free living is all gone. Time to put my head down and do my best to make January fly by without noticing me.
Good Luck.
thank you.

Finally, the top 5

2005-12-28T16:33:00.000-06:00

Alright alright, I know I forgot about doing this and it should have been taken care of weeks ago, but I finally have my little top 5 CD's of 2005 list ready to go.
it was a lovely year for music. So many new band with new success stories and heaps of old stand-bys with new classics. I'm in a strange bit of headspace at the moment so I'll just get this over with.
actually...... Instead of making any honorable mentions this year I'll just make a full top 10 list. That way its less work for me, and....Well its just less work for me. Here we go.

10. Iron and Wine - Woman King EP

9. Super Furry Animals - Love Kraft

8. Decemberists - Picturesque

7. The Go! Team - Thunder Lightning Strike

6. Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene

5. Boy Least Likely To - Best Party Ever

4. Joel Plaskett - La De Da

3. Devendra Banhart - Cripple Crow

2. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy and Matt Sweeney - Superwolf

1. Clap your hands say yeah - Clap your hands say yeah

and there it is. Happy goddamn new year 3 people who will read this.

Epilogue

2005-12-27T13:49:00.000-06:00

Once again I have no thoughts, because all thoughts would betray me. Its all in my mind its all in my mind! Curse my god damn male mind.
I haven't ridden these waves in the longest time and I'm still trying to gauge what it all means. There's a lot to take in. There is no emotion there is peace.
hare Krishna
cellar door
please let me level off soon. This is quite a ride.

You should have heard me scream

2005-12-11T05:26:00.000-06:00

Drunk post infinity goes on. Continuing the silent revolution that really doesn't exist, I leanred something recently. The fear is on.
there is nothing quite as redeeming as the breath from the dragon, exhausting its final drag. And there is nothing more frightening than realizing you have to go at this alone. After all, when all you have is the music in your heart , how can you really expect to take on all the evil that's informs of you. There's nothing more pacifying than finding your major weakness. There must be a way around it but you just don't work that way.
your over confidence is your weakness, your faith in your friends is yours and all that Jedi mambo jumbo. Here are no absolutes. There is nothing I would like more than to let that which does not matter, truly slide but I'm just too superficial. Just another kid from the burbs who want to feel something real. We have no weapons, we have no faith, we;re just privledged shits who want so much to have something to say.
the truth is that i dont deserve anything. i havent earned it yet.

Rock and Roll Easter

2005-12-08T16:19:00.000-06:00

25 years ago today, the savior of modern music died. He was not crucified, but he was shot outside his home in new York city. A martyr for the music, not a day goes by where John Lennon's influence isn't felt by thousands, probably millions of people worldwide.

Amnesia

2005-12-07T21:26:00.000-06:00

No one recognizes my voice anymore. Has it really been that long? There's no excitement in anyone's eyes this time of year on the prairies. Lets blame that. I never really was a prairie sun. Something just turn out wrong. The holidays are coming. Please, duck and cover.
I bit of information was all I really wanted. I guess the apple doesn't fall far. In our apathy, the greetings are exchanged. So little changes out there from day to day, it could still be Oct 30th. The only difference is its 10 degrees colder. Its amazing how we can both think like that.
right now our separate settings provide a rift in the patterns of thought. I'm still stuck in autumn, with green lights. I'll never wee the winter with white eyes again.

Best Party Ever!

2005-12-01T16:31:00.000-06:00

Who else thinks all the federal party leaders should form a band? This picture would certainly be the album cover. Meet "The Leaders".

its all really about who your favorite beatle is. They all fit the mould. Every single one of them. From left to right we have Jack. He's the intellectual of course. Often ends up a little too left of the mainstream which some beatles fans don't approve of. Is Canada bigger than Jesus? Probably not.
next we have the cute one. Gil. Always trying to take the band in a new direction. He also really wants to form a new band called wings...I mean Quebec. He'll have a few good songs..I guess.

next we have the funny one. Stephen. At least we hope most of what he says is a joke. He's kind of the odd man out of the group. The one everyone else tends to make fun of. Eventually he will grow a beard and star work on shining time station : the next generation.

and finally we have the quiet one. Paul. A very reasonable fellow, who doesn't talk much mostly because he trips over his own words. He sometimes upset bono and believes "all things must pass".

there you have it.
its nice to incorporate politics back into the blog.

Le Coup De Gras

2005-11-25T03:24:00.000-06:00

Discovery has finally conquered the big city. It was bound to happen eventually. The reality is that is can be a very intimidating place , making one not want to travel alone, but once again the music saved my life.
there's something pretty satisfying about taking the long route downtown by yourself for your own little night on the town. Armed with only a couple songs in my head, I took it to the streets. It's all gonna break from broken social scene was the theme song, and the destination yielded a few new one for the mix. Thank you caribou, thank you super furry animals. I think it will all be just fine.
it's probably been apparent that I've had some troubles adjusting to things out here. It just been hard to find the right motivation to actually leave the house. Now that I have I have a taste for it and all I need is a song in my head...And I need to buy a bus pass.

I Can't See The City

2005-11-22T03:10:00.000-06:00

20 cigarettes just isn't enough. Out in the fog the smoke hangs above your head forever. The future is right in front of you but I'm afraid you cant see a thing. Even when you walk directly into this thick barrier, there's not way of telling you where you are. The light pollution here wont even break it down.

all my little ways fail me when I'm overwhelmed by distractions. I can't take the feeling of my own fingertips anymore. All the smalltown calouses fade away so fast in the moist big city air.

cigarettes and loneliness are the thinking man's drugs, and I can't get enough of either. With the headphones on I can't even hear. How am I supposed to write? (star wars reference). I'm still trapped in all the boxes. I seem to have overlooked what was really trapping me, which is to say I forgot to carry the one.

have you ever been happy because someone else was happy? Something happened to me and the cynic in me fell asleep at the switch if only for a moment. Someone's new exciting love thrilled me to no end for the firstime ever. I guess I'm not as hard as I thought and that gives a great hope for everyone. Mix it with some broken social scene, and we have something new. Always looking for something new.

I've always feared change which makes some people think I'm a right winger. By some people I mean my neurotic self. I now believe I'm just to lazy to try something new and I need a nice steaming pile of motivation to kick my ego legs out from under me. We should all stop thinking in absolutes.

the fog off the ocean keeps it blurry. All I can tell is I can't sit still. With my vision impaired I can't stay in once place. Maybe tomorrow I'll just keep moving on. Like the littlest hobo.

Discoveryblog celebrates its 1 year anniversary tomorrow.

Wear a Scarf to Look like Dylan

2005-11-13T00:56:00.000-06:00

Girls look so good in the fall, wearing long jackets makes them appear tall.

This is the worst possible time to be holding it all in my good man. A terrible time to keep it all inside. I wish I could free write like I used to. I wish a lot of things. Sometimes I stay up and wait for 11:11 just to make a nice little wish. There's too much on my mind and where does it all begin. Its like looking for the end of a rope that been tangled and piled up too long.
if there's one thing to get your mind moving, it's being deprived of any form of sexual release.these things happen when you live with 4 other people most of which sleep on the floor right next to you. Mix that all in with the gorgeous autumn women, and of course the ever looming dark cloud that covers the city in this bittersweet season, and you have potential for some sort of genius. At least that what we would all like to hope for right?
the truth is I really can't concentrate. My mind is going a mile a minute. I'm out of cigarettes but I don't have a key for the apartment and no one is here. Something good has to come from this.
we are dirty dirty creatures. Nothing more.
I wish I could change what I have ultimately decided I will be. How do we go back on choices of the past. Even in a new place. At the risk of being far too cliche, old habits die hard.

here was my night last night.

Autumn - Version 2.0

2005-11-08T02:45:00.000-06:00

Here we are (I am), in the direction of change. The damp and surprisingly hospitable west coast. I'm a bit conflicted as to whether or not I should plug this entry full of what has gone down here n the past 6 days I think storytelling is best left for my drunken nostalgia-fests that are to com ein next several months. Instead maybe I'll just throw out some of my feeling on travel as emotions are best when carefully articulated, and the only time I feel articulate is when I sit infront of a glowing monitor. If the whole thing fails, I apologize in advance.
there really is nothing quite like traveling alone. In many of my travels I have done things alone. Usually it's a means to an end and my goal is to meet up with others, but the travel part tends to be solo. From my experience I can say there is nothing more frightening.
essentially, traveling alone is like starting a brand new life. Armed with only a few possessions, you have to re-create everything that that was already built for you back home. You can have a second go at who you are. You can start a whole new character and do absolutely everything differently. You are absolutely free.
the problem is everyone else around you already has an established character and that is the intimidating part. You're the new kid walking among giants. Everyone you talk to is a first impression and there is no rehearsal, only improv. Completely out of your comfort zone (and if your from Saskatchewan is a pretty big flat zone)there are few options. Personally, I have always had the tendency to make a b-line for the closest comfort. Something, anything familiar, in my case usually someone I know. No first impressions, no new character, just someone to hold you hand and help around this strange new world.
so much for self discovery. No pun intended.
the question that burndens my mind right now is where do I go? Do I stay among the familiar in Vancouver, or do I finally challenge myself and hostel it out in Victoria? Is it really that shameful to take the easy road? How much do I really want this new life, this new character? Or do I just want the same character in a new level?
I've never been good with decisions.

in other news everything is gorgeous on the west coast. The ocean, green things and my second autumn of the year.

Long Dark Twenties

2005-10-20T00:31:00.000-06:00

Wrapped up in music all the time. Music or some other mindless background noise. I walk, I bring headphones. Drive, turn it up. Sleeping, music.
the problem isn't music, its all the things commign towards me that I block with music. The queue is outrageous.
all my conversations are about things. Mostly about distractions. Movies, music, guitars, travel all of that. I cant even get interested in politics anymore. I cant remember the last time I spoke to someone about something worthwhile.
my favorite part of my teen years was the discovery of intimate conversation. Something you could have with anyone. All you needed was a place to have coffee and the ability to send your thoughts directly to your mouth as the came to you. It was like discovering honesty.
it seems like now in my twenties those conversation are reserve for, one specific friend (mine lives 4,000 kms away) or a significant other (nope).
so shit out of luck here I am kicking yellow leaves around the park with my gigantic hideous headphones on. Wondering why Neil could say all the things I cant.
its probably because he didn't spend his entire waking life listening to Neil young records.

October Zodiac Attack

2005-10-04T03:02:00.000-06:00

Good morning.

I am a follower of astrology. You may dismiss it as quackery, but perhaps you just are not seeing it in the light that I do. As an educated person, there is certainly now way anyone can convince me that the positions of the stars based on the date of your birth represent my individual future. That's almost as crazy as believing in an omnipotent being who crafted man kind in his likeness.

I see astrology more as a guide. Someone to tell you what the path ahead may look like. Some one to motivate you to step in the right direction. It takes you no further than the door. Weather or not you walk through it is up to you.

really it all comes back to bokononism. For those of you unfamiliar with this read cat's cradle, or look it up in wikipedia. The karas, the grantfallons, the foma. Its all a half joke. The grantfalloon is my personal favorite as everyone belongs to hundreds of them and we shape our very being around an ideal. I know myself to be the zodiac sign Leo. would I still have the trait of a Leo if I had no knowledge of the zodiac? Are there really any inherent beliefs, or is it all taught to us by the action of others?

for example, when an Irish baby is born, he doesn't know or the Irish drinking pride. Until he is told he is Irish. Then he, hears that Irish like to drink. He is Irish, so he must like to drink. Assume that child is later told he is adopted. His real parents were Hungarian. He hasn't a drop of Irish blood in him. Only two things can happen from here. He will stop ranting about his Irish heritage and slow the whole Irish drinking pride, or he will say "fuck it all, I was raised Irish". The latter is about 90% more likely. When you find out your indentity is foma, all that is left is more and more foma. There's no letting go.

I had a wonderful horoscope this month. We leos will take you to town. Go lions!

Fantasy Mediums

2005-09-20T00:36:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how one can become what he wants to be so so easily. At least in the eyes of others, that is. The image I display has always had some sort of subconscious fantasy attached to it. Style doesn't define a person, it defines their inner most desires. You are what you pretend to be.

we will start with the long hair. One of my favorite questions any one has ever asked me was "why did you grow your hair long?". It was something I had never really though about at the time, but one the question was out there, I knew it would stay with me for a long time. It take a good amount of self research to determine your own past motives, and the research in very rewarding. I had no answer when it was asked. I think I just tossed off some lame joke to try and make myself seem enigmatic and cool.

once I started pondering the question, I found its roots went quite deep. Back into childhood even. Over the years I would maybe go back to and old hero of mine from the age of 7. For this example we'll use the ultimate warrior. He was my favorite wrestler when I was in to that kind of thing. He had pretty long hair. I know that's not the best example, but as I though more and more of all the things I worshiped as a child, I began to find so many more connections from my heros to myself. From personality right now to appearance.

as I got older, we get into the lord of the rings look, the Jesus, the 60's and 70's rock and roll, and most recently the jedi.

I think about star wars more and more everyday. The past two night I have had star wars dreams. Everyday I find myself looking more and more like obi-wan. Or at least his round headed younger brother.

all I want to do is incorporate the force and the jedi code into my day to day life. I want to write songs about being a jedi. Maybe next week I'll want pirate songs. Its has happened before.

song are another thing. If anyone follows my music (the only two people who read this are Kim and Ryan, who are ironically the only two people who have heard my music), you will note that my musical idols at the time of writing directly influence how my songs sound. Mountain goats, NMH, Neil young, destroyer , pink mountintops, etc etc etc.

there's no conclusion to this. none what so ever. its all just a thought. many thoughts rolled into one poorly spelled dyslexic mess of a rant, submitted in blog form. hope oyu enjoyed it.

Merriment and song

2005-09-05T03:35:00.000-06:00

I haven't felt anything real in weeks. Even the food I eat is completely processed and manufactured to the point where if I eat rice I feel like I'm on a foreign adventure. Long ago someone tried to explain to me the evolution of our boxes and our reliance on them. Wake up in my house, get in my car, go to my work place, get back in my car, come to my house watch TV play on the computer. Perhaps get in my car and go to some other bog box somewhere. Its a very sound theory. I'm trapped in a goddman box.
so trapped that when I was between boxes this I felt the rain. Usually water only hits me in another box I call shower, but this was being made by something else. Something real. What was I to think?
I wish I had stayed outside. Even now I want to promise to myself to limit my boxes and move back to reality. But then I realize that I'm not out there. I'm at my computer box writing this to everyone else on their boxes. I don't see an escape anytime soon.
so often I promise that I will eat right, ignore all distractions, walk everywhere and see what's real again. It never happens. Everyone takes the easy road eventually I suppose.
the only real thing I have is the music. It can make all the box problems go away if only for a few minutes. It like hearing someone through paper thin walls talking to you about the other side of the box. How marvelous it is and how marvelous you can be.
if only we had the courage to step into that world.

Bastard Son

2005-08-30T00:47:00.000-06:00

If I've rather difficult with you lately I apologize. I really have no excuse, other than claiming myself a temperamental asshole. Its not anyone, its the whole thing.

I haven't been doing much to lift my spirits I guess. Also I've never been very articulate with explaining things like these. Why do I have a blog again?

the best I can really do know is put my head down and go to work until I can afford to leave. Thanks for putting up with my crap everyone. You all deserve a hero cookie. I wonder if the still make those.

I recommend the new John Vanderslice. Its called pixel revolt. Cheers.

Jon

the long way around

2005-08-26T03:16:00.000-06:00

there's something so demeaning about the whole going out thing. hitting the town, painting red, and thousands of other cliches for leaving your house. then what? coffee? alchol? drugs? all three?
my social ineptitude maybe be disapearing but its right in time for everyone to leave. i suppose that's fine. this is all just a lament of a seemingly lost summer.
summer dreams of warm weather, warm romance and adventure. i guess at least there's been some decent weather.
i guess it is entirely true that you make your own misery. i knew this would happen. i predicted it eons ago. i had the whole miserable ting planned out before i even set foot on saskatoon's spring soil. i guess the only reason i stuck around was to watch the goddamn thing burn.
my feeling told me to hit the yukon. join the droves of summer vacationers and claima new horizon. i supose i did eventually, maybe just to taste what i gave away. i stayed here for so many reasons. mostly based on loyalty, pride and flase promises i made to myself. but i shoudl be sad about it.
it's all over now and i feel almost like i'm being realesed and i'm finally able to experience true freedom....as soon as i can pay for it that is.
no one has ever stood in my way and thats always been my greatest gift. i've just been waiting for something that wont ever happen. its pretty crazy to stay where you are when you have thousands of options. there's no need to prepare. nothign can ready you for the unknown, so i might as well just take a running start.

Morning Reflections On this, The Day of my Birth

2005-08-12T08:17:00.000-06:00

Waking up feeling bright eyed at 6am is not my usual self.
the day its self is not important and real doesn't mean a goddamn thing. Its the symbol that is important. That Symbol being me. Its a day to celebrate me which is a lovely thought and one should not be forced to miss any of this egomaniacal holiday. Tomorrow is someone else, its been some one else 364 days in a row and now, finally my name has been called.

from this day forth I decree that my actual age will not be counted. For the nest several years I am 20-something and it is to be left at that. Once I hit 30 we can keep counting again.

irony aside, I'm sick of having gimmicks. I'm too old for gimmicks now. That was a high school thing that lasted far too long. I am no longer the guy with the long blonde locks. Now I'm just a guy. I think I'm much better for it. But then what is a gimmick? Is it a personal philosophy, or is it an inside joke you have with yourself just to keep you interested.

new years resolutions should be made on birthdays, not new years eve. For me new years isn't ever have a new year. My new year starts today. Its 22 A.J.D (after Jon discovery). My resolution is to ditch all gimmicks, be kind to the ones I love, to seize the day...And possibly even quit smoking eventually.

Holding a grudge anyway

2005-08-05T01:11:00.000-06:00

Nothing eats away at you like hindsight. Its a real bitch when you can be so easily guilted into saying at a place like this, but refuse to be guilted into staying somewhere of real worth. Why did I choose to dig myself I nice little hole instead of sitting in the sun? Thoughts like that can drive you crazy, especially when there was so much opportunity to throw down the shovel. Eventually you end up alone and completely out of sight. And without a guitar to boot.

so here I am, waiting on better times. Waiting for some kind of adventure. Daydreaming about all the potentials.

its so tempting to be here in the basement and trying hard to carve a piece out of my mountain of debt. Waiting for the right time to strike at the world. Its the whole waiting part really worth what will eventually come out of it or should I build the mountain higher and have lo-fi, big city, Canadian adventures?

there's too many traps out there. I cant get out.

Running Back To Saskatoon

2005-07-30T21:44:00.000-06:00

while I'm here I'll tell the story of the craziest day ever. On Wednesday morning at 7 o'clock ante meridian, Brendan dropped me off by the esso so I could hitch a ride from Dawson city to Whitehorse (pictured above). A couple people pulled over but I had to turn them down. People saying stuff like "I can take you as far as the airport" or "I'm only going to dempster corner" going 20 minutes up the road wasn't exactly what I needed. All it would have really done was it would have in the middle of nowhere as opposed to just outside of a familiar town.
I had one guy who was going to Stewart crossing, which is about half way, but I didn't take it and was kind of kicking myself. Then 5 minutes later a fellow and his son from Whitehorse picked me up. Apparently 3 hours had passed since I had started. They were pretty great folks. The dad had lived in Saskatoon from 79 to 85 I guess and still has property out by Borden. Anyway they were super nice but had one of those odd father son relationships were they are obviously really good friends. They were both very knowledgeable about the same things. They read a book aloud to each other on the way back, and not just any book but a book about free market of the past and present and the way super countries of the past and prestent rise but also how each economic structure eventually falls. It was really hard to follow.
I got them to drop me at a hostel in Whitehorse which was full, as was the next hostel I tried. At this point it was pouring rain and I had no place to stay and my bus wasn't leaving until 1:30 post meridian the next day. I was wet and gross and alone, so I walked to the Tim hortons to think about what on earth I was going to do for the next 20 hours. It was then I decided to stop at dominos pizza. Matt ingvardson, an old domino's from Saskatoon guy own the Whitehorse store and Paul Robinson also works there. I decided the only way to survive the night was to put away a bit of pride and ask if I could stay with them. I walked in with my giant bags on my shoulder, soaking wet and I didn't even have to ask. They put my bags in paul's car and let me hang around domino's for a few hours going on runs and what not. They told me it was too bad I already had a bus ticket because they were driving to Saskatoon the next day for a wedding. Also I should mention that the domino's guys run that town. They exchange pizza for everything including respect. They said they'd try and get me a refund for my non refundable ticket and were pretty confident they could do so.
at this point I didn't care, because they said if I came with them they wouldn't let me pay for gas. Not to mention they were driving a 2005 rented optima and had a widescreen laptop with games and DVD's. fuck the bus
they got off work after about an hour and a half and and they took my to their house which was nothing short of amazing. Wide screen TV, a million DVD's, fridge full of food and a nice warm shower. They both went to the gym and realizing that I'm certainly not a gym guy, they told me to make myself at home. I has some cheescake and watched rounders and a couple episodes of futurama. I went out for a cigarette and lamented how twice that day I had gone from having absolutely nothing, to landing square in a lap of luxury and good fortune.
suddenly matt comes home and asks if I want to go out on the town. I say sure, still a little overwhelmed by this ridiculous turn of events. I get in matt's car and we drive to this shady bar where he says he's gotta pick someone up. Suddenly this old drunk derelict looking fellow comes to the car door. This was the guy matt was picking up. This strange man proceeded to hand me his car keys and tell me to drive his car home. Bewildered and a little frightened I thought "what else can I do?" I get in his car and take drop it off at his house. I get back in matt's car and this grotesque little man gets me to pack a bowl for him.
we arrived at the capitol hotel bar. The crazy man buys me a beer and asks me to play pool with him. Ever time he shot, he would make a brilliant shot or he would miss the cue ball completely. I found out eventually that this guy is one of the managers of matt's domino's and he explains to me that when he's sober, he's just like me. I didn't believe him but I was too tired and confused to really know what to say. Eventually we got out of the bar and ran into Paul who drove me back to their place where I had a shower for the first time approximately 10 days.
I fell asleep on their couch. The next day we left Whitehorse at 2:30 post meridian and got back to Saskatoon at 3 post meridian the next day. We drove it in less than 24 hours straight through. Arriving around 16 hours ahead of the bus I would have been on.
What a weird fucking day.

Goodbye blondie

2005-07-18T12:42:00.000-06:00

leaving today oh today. Its true, cat Stevens is the greatest singer. I feel great. I feel lighter. You'll learn about that later.
3.5 hours until that horrid long bus ride. Its all good. I'll put my head down and plow through and be delightfully eccentric when I get there.
last night I drank a lot of Yukon jack and swish to prepare for such an epic journey, and it is an epic journey by the way.
all I really have to tell you is I feel great, and cat Stevens is the greatest singer.
north I go.

When I've had my vision

2005-07-11T20:03:00.000-06:00

One week until the klondike days begin again for me. A long bus ride later I'll be somthign a little different. I've been in desperate need of change for several years now. A long trip by yourself can help that along a little.
today's lesson: when jeans say they're size 32, they are not always what they seem. Either that or I've become a grotesque physical specimen. I bought a pair of jeans today and my body still hurts from squeezing into them. Perhaps I should start trying things on. I've always hated trying on clothes in a store. I think I'm going to start. Still, its an awkward thing to do when shopping alone.
another lesson I've learned is that men's shorts always show too much thigh. I cant handle that much thigh, so I make my own shorts out of pants I don't wear anymore. At this point I'm undecided which one looks worse.

I haven't said anything about current events lately, and I don't really plan on it anymore. There certainly are terrible things going on everyday, but I'm not qualified to post any sort of opinion. Instead, you should just read the cbc website everyday. www.cbc.ca It take 5 minutes and you can keep up to date on everything.

I sure like Joel plaskett. I recently found a copy of his first solo album which completes my collection. The whole album has such a strange feel to it. I'm not sure exactly what he was going for, but its so full of longing and boredom. If you're longing and bored, I recommend it. I recommend it anyway.
another album that I've been listening to is the new kings of Leon. Which oddly enough came out on the same day as the latest Joel plaskett back in February. I had a listen to it and I wasn't that impressed. Their first album was so fresh and it had such a unique southern rock sound. The first album (youth and youngmanhood) was short and sweet. This new album, with yet another unfortunate title (a-ha shake heartbreak) at first listen was long and just didn't have the same simplistic rock and roll of the previous record. It seemed to be produced all wrong for their sound and the songs sounded a little rushed. Thus I put it away for a few months.
upon second inspection later this month, I decided I was mostly wrong. It is a pretty good album. The songs have some great catchy choruses, and it is a charming piece of music. Its still seems a little scattered and rushed, but there are definitely a few gems that make it worth picking up.
I don't know what else to say about that. I think I'll have a nap. Cheers.

Drunk Post Infinity

2005-07-09T02:39:00.000-06:00

There are something that I just wouldn't do. Sometime we get so set in our ways, that we lose sight of how to let go and have a good time. Come to think of it, that's been the story of my life for sometime. Whatever I'm stalwartly against, is usually something wonderful that I just refuse to try.
for example, I once was very against drinking. I'm drunk right now.
I was once baffled as to why anyone wouldever be a smoker. I've no been a smoker for almost 5 years. I used to be very against dancing. This is the new one.
I'm such a fool. A goddamn typical human fool. Aren't we all.
when I was a lad, I wanted so much to separate myself from human tendencies, that I left al the god out. The problem is ,that being human requires certain things. Such as being a slave to your DNA.
my DNA badly wants e to reproduce for some reason. It seems so strange that such a thing could consume a person, but then if you turn on your television it doesn't seem so odd at all.
looking for a shag really consumes a good portion of my life and its not only bothersome, but frightening. I can go outside without feeling some sort of sexual urge, and this really diminishes my chances of a good time. Its always making me wonder what the pretty girl next to me thinks of me. Holy sweet goddamn.
does anyone know why we all consider pinkerton to be a brilliant album? It because no one else in the history of music, has so articulately described their stuggle with that which makes us most human.
everything is the same even if its different. Everything you could ever want or be, you already have and are.

Yukon Cornelius

2005-07-02T17:15:00.000-06:00

So many goddamn distractions, I just cant make myself up again.
I'm going to the Yukon, I bought my ticket today and I really cant wait to get away.
I watched some live 8 today. Its a nice cause I bob geldof is certainly deserving of his knighthood. However, I don't think its debt relief that developing nations really need. What they need is for the first world to stop fucking them in the ear with all their exports and resources. Then maybe they can actually bring some money into their country in the first place. A fair price for oil, gold and whatnot would go a long way, probably much further than calling off a debt.
of course I didn't think that up by myself. I read things. I steal ideas. That's just who I am.
listen to the album easy beat by Dr. Dog. Its becoming my new favorite.

tip of the day: don't try to quit smoking cigarettes when you've already got a nice case of the summertime blues. The nicotine withdrawal mixes with the fun withdrawal and can at time feel like a weak acid trip.

Something more familiar

2005-07-01T02:04:00.000-06:00

The comfort in a familiar smell or sound is better than anything I could possibly describe. Night air or a song long forgotten.
the signs are all wrong discovery. How old is that map you carry? You obviously don't know where your going.
goddamn. Holy sweet goddamn.
the point is I'm a closed book and the combination has been lost somewhere in the vast ocean of cynisim. Cynicism and cryptic art garbage labeled with smoke and mirrors. Like these ones here for example.
there's something to be said for brutal honesty, but I'm not there yet. Try me tomorrow.

We, the handsome devils....

2005-06-28T02:22:00.000-06:00

The most extravagant thing I can think of at this very moment is being able to speak your language. Any language really.
everyday passes and each one has a brilliant theme that is so often overlooked. Today's theme was language. A few months ago I had a great cooking themed day. Sometimes the theme is easy to spot, but often not. Things that pop up more than once in the same day goes far beyond coincidence.
"I've gone ferral and I don't speak the language anymore. You can bring out all your weapons, you cant make me go to war"

everything is marvelous. Evolution is slow and cold. Meaning of life part 3: fighting each other

so what's underneath then? The daemons of my subconscious will tell me tonight. What handsome devils those boys are. I can't wait.
Good night.

Crumbs in my Lungs

2005-06-25T17:04:00.000-06:00

North east west and south. Together they are news. Together, this is discoveryblog.

I'm going to go to Dawson. Just give me a couple weeks to scrape something together and I'll be there. don't worry. I'll probably come back. My bus ticket is cheaper if I get a return.
what an exciting trip. Going to see all those people and all those bands at the Dawson city music festival. Threes nothing quite as satisfying as taking a long trip by yourself. Especially where threes a guaranteed light at the end. A friendly face you haven't seen I a little too long.

last night I watched a concert from the front porch of a rustic old cabin. Say no to drugs kids. This includes alcohol and tobacco.

here's my new wish. I wish I could stop falling in love with every girl I see.
its becoming a serious problem and inconvenience.

Wild World

2005-06-22T02:28:00.000-06:00

I cant sleep again and feel like I've been up all night burning bridges. I've never really liked thunderstorms, maybe that's it.
what do I do when I cant sleep? I come on the computer and try to clear up the things in my head. All here for no one. Its always been about me, and it always will be.
I think I'm waiting here for someone. Or maybe something electronic. Something to love maybe. How did I go from a night of lovely music to a night of fire and lightning. All I know is that my first cd will be dedicated to my mom and dad for they're patience with my aloofness and melodrama. A 22 year old with parental angst is a hideous beast indeed.
sometimes I wonder if I'm a hard person to know. When I think of my personality around certain friends I wonder if I would really want to be my friend. You are what you pretend to be but what am I. Am I the guy who talks a lot but never says anything? I feel so annoying.

I did discovery one wonderful thing today. I need to be alone. I need to be bored. Eventually I pick up my instrument and the most wonderful things start to flow from me. I start to remember why I play in the first place. For me. Its always been about me, and it always will be.

Blogger McBlogington

2005-06-20T15:08:00.000-06:00

Someone tell me what I should be doing with all this free time? My shifts are so completely ridiculous that I always ends up with several hours of wondering what I should be doing. The answer is obvious. I probably should be working. If I work a 4 hour shift (which is often) then I spend the following four hours waiting around for everyone else to get off work.
the real drag is that recently instead of paid work, I've been assigned charity work. The cause is the aesthetic value of my mother's garden. Apparently I need to contribute to my household. I agree but I think my contribution should be never being home. So what do I do? Find a second job? Murder someone and take their hours? I just cant seem to find a second job. No one wants to hire a bearded long hair. And murder is a apparently a crime these days.
or maybe I should just spend every waking hour of the day blogging it up.
or maybe say fuck all y'all and head up to the Yukon with even else.
someone just give me something to do that isn't renovating my parents back yard.

Titties

2005-06-15T20:20:00.000-06:00

Never ever watch summer television.
its gotten to the point where I see so many TV tittes it should be a cliche. I just want to learn about the great Boer war, or where to stay in Cambodia. That's what I want when I watch TV. I watch porno if I want titties. That's what the internet is for. That and blogging
if I had the energy and motivation I would sit in the grass somewhere all day with someone and sing folk songs.
I don't have the motivation so I'm finally going to beat anikin in SWIII and get back to my life....

Descoberta e a Corrida Contra Tempo

2005-06-15T15:48:00.000-06:00

trouble with the neighbors. These things can get the best of you I suppose. Wait it out maybe? I guess.
is it really worth my time to attempt an articulate explanation of why I'm in the state that I am in? Probably not but there's nothing else to do. Except maybe review music I've been listening to lately. Its hard to pick just one paticular disc. I guess I'll do the new Stephen malkmus and the new white stripes. In all fairness I haven't really given the white stripes new album a good listen yet but thus far I'm pretty content with it. While keeping the same basic style as the first 4 albums, the music has changed quite a bit and the whole thing seemed a little rushed. Its certainly not as good as white blood cells or de stijl. It maybe matches up with the self titled I would say. Check it out anyway, its interesting.
as for Stephen malkmus's face the truth. Well to me it a just a new pavement record, and that's great. However its really unfair to compare the album to pavement, because its not. The songs are catchy and have a really great style. If you like the other two malkmus solo releases you'll probably like this one and same if you're a die-hard pavement fan. Something for everyone.
as for what on the player right now I have the flashing lights second album sweet release. I've had this album for such a long time but I just never really put it on enough to get into it. That's one of the downfalls to having way too many cds. I just don't have time sometimes. Then you miss out on the good. Maybe I just wasn't ready for this album back in 2001. And why haven't the lights put out anyhtign new since then? What's the deal with that? I guess the super friends did re-form in 2003 but they also haven't done much since then. I need more east coast rock for my youth. Everyone does.

on to other issues, we're all so depressed and don't know why. Too depressed to leave the house. We should just pair up, but boredom doesn't work that way. We're in a little too deep. Someone with energy please send us a rescue boat.

Never Been a Mountain Man

2005-06-05T02:52:00.000-06:00

Another half drunk post. Possibly fully drunk. Its hard to tell at this point. This will be the last time I ever mention my mental state in a blog. The purpose of this information is to give my reader(s) a sense of rhythm.
what's with the depressing blog? Is a question often asked of me. And there isn't really a good answer. I cant really help it. I feel fine now, I feel like making love to the world. The problem is waking up next to the world in the morning can really get you down.
that came out all wrong.
I still read the news. The problem is that being so concerned can take a lot out of a person. I'm not really one to take things seriously, however, when you think of the number of yellow bracelets to green of white bracelets, the world does get you down.
there's not really any love anymore. Scratch that, there never really was. There was a rise of love in the 60's that was brutally shut down in 1970 when the beatles broke up. Then love was again defaced 10 year later in 1980 when john lennon was murdered. Ever since then love has been kept on the down low.
try as we might love has stayed just below the top soil
still, all is not lost.
you can still hear it when you walk into the right place, when the right music is playing. No one knows your name but is all fine. We all in the same place for the same reasons. Everyone knows the same thing and we know it will all come to us in the end.

the neo-human is coming to light.

I've never been much for the mountains. The majestic overwhelming size is just too close. I love to watch them fly by my periphery as I drive through, but I couldn't be there. there would always be something in the way.

Hyper-Tensions

2005-06-04T02:33:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite people once advised me that if I cant fall asleep, the best thing to do is face it. Get up, have a glass of milk and put your mind to work. Sadly my minds work, is blogging.
it seems an unlikely coincidence that in the past 4 years since high school that I have been a mild insomniac. When I was in high school, I used to read rants by this aforementioned favorite person about how most of his adult life has been lived at night. Nothing glamorous. Just doing nowhere things in nothing places, with some shitty late night TV in the mix to keep it interesting.
it just makes me wonder, if it infact is true that you are what you pretend to be. When I look at what I am now and who I was 5 or 6 years ago, I try and think of how I got to this point. Smoking, drinking, music, and insomnia. That would have been unheard of. At least most of.
and then I got back even more and I have to ask "why the long hair?" or "why the beard" and maybe "where the fuck did this ego come from?".
I am what I pretend to be. These questions all have painfully long answers. Point is that I'm exactly who I wanted be. I gave myself this persona and I carried it out. Its really not very hard.
problem is I've been this for too long and I need something new. Discovery is bored out of his goddamn mind.
still no sleep. Not even the slightest sign of fatigue. When I lay awake thinking of why I cant sleep I often wonder what it could be that causes this. Smoking? Drinking? Maybe the fact that I have the worst eating habits of all time? Could I actually fix this?
I make the commitment right then and there to make myself heathier. The problem is that once I get to sleep, its takes me about an hour to actually get out of bed. I wake up so tired that I just cant function. I don't have the energy to make myself real food so I eat chips or make myself a hot dog or some other god awful garbage meal. Then I feel full and gross so I have a cigarette. I sit at home, and maybe leave the house around 10pm when I finally get some energy. I drive everywhere, I never walk. I try at sleep around 2:30 and lay awake until 4. Repeat.
its a sad state of affairs really.
so really what can be done? Well I know what to do. Eat some vegetables stop smoking and sell my car.
I'm missing what city has to offer in the springtime. Trapped in a box.

when did my blog become a journal? Gross.

Honey Bunny

2005-06-02T12:59:00.000-06:00

What is a blog for if not to make the most personal and amazing things impersonal on the cold cold internet.
last night I had several wonderful dreams. The first of which was the most vivid I've had in a while. I went to Bangladesh as a stop over going somewhere else. Every one was dressed so brightly and the people were obviously a in poverty, but were all so interesting and friendly. A little girl tried to sell me bottles of liquor that were already open but I had to decline. However, I was so impressed my the place that I didn't get back on my plane. I stayed for a really long time. Its hard to convey the full impact without going into grotesque detail which is fuzzy at best.
the dream then moved to star wars episode 3. I was in the theater with abby and a couple other people. The screen kept moving and we had to follow it. When the movie got out it was already light outside then somehow we ended up at a concert. It was a crunk band.
I wish I could remember more of the dream. There are many other bits pieces but they just don't fit in. The bangledesh part was amazing.
this is going no where, there's no way to convey what a dream actually means to you. Unless its a re-occurring dream. Then its a little easier.
someone help me out of this funk I seem to be in. Waking up late in the day wearing my hugest until its absolutely necessary to put on clothes. Something should probably be done. That's mostly what my dream was about.

Join me on the Wing

2005-05-29T13:59:00.000-06:00

I apologize for the last post. Its been a rough couple of weeks. Being home wasn't really giving me what I wanted, but I'm come to accept that now. Drinking every night and coming home and listening to Frank Zappa its a good life. Now I just have to start making homeade wine and I;m on my way.
we are currently in the best time of the year. Every year around this time something good happens to me. I suddenly become more creative, and inspired. I think the reason for that is this is the only time of the year were if you stay out late enough the sky turns violet and the rooftops glow. Its true. It goes fro end of may to end of June and then it becomes just light and dark. Only a sith speaks in absolutes.
what I'm saying is I'm going to have an actual recorded album done by the end of august. Its mostly going to be about trees and green things.

I Am Going To Eat Your Goddamn Head

2005-05-27T04:01:00.000-06:00

Yes, I have had a few. That's the way its going to be from now on. We can intelligently comment of the news of the world or I can get drunk and forget how awful everything is. Yes is goddamn awful to say such thing but hear me out.
I wear a green rubber bracelet. This bracelet I got from www.savedarfur.org a website dedicated to the aid of the people and Sudan's darfur region. You may have seen other bracelet out there as well. Mostly the ones that say live strong. You know the ones, they're yellow. Those little bracelets benefit cancer research and is spearheaded by lance Armstrong who has won the tour de France (the most greuling sporting event in the world) several times before and after wining a battle with cancer.
now I don't want to down play this wonderful man;s achivemnts at all. He is an amazing man, however he's has started a fad. These little yellow rubber bracelets aren't about cancer anymore, its a fashion thing. Several times a day some one questions me about my darfur rubber bracelet and ask where I got it. I try and explain when they say something like "yeah, I really wan get one of those yellow ones, I've seen everyone wearing them"
its a sad state of affairs. I would really love nothing more than to educate them on why I wear this bracelet, but they'd rather talk about what jen was wearing at the bar last Friday. These people don't have time for cancer. They too busy having their homes burned down and watching their family member being raped and castrated by government supoprted militias.
really I just wish this whole thing wasn't a fad. I wish that my bracelet could help people realize that there are other thing happening in the world. Still its come to the point where if someone asks about my bracelet I get really snotty about it. I apologize for that. If anyone would like a darfur bracelet I have quite a few. Perhaps other could do a better job than I in the education department.
getting that off my chest fells better.
I keep trying out new songs and the music a vocal sound right but I just cant seem to make lyrics as well as I thought I used to. I made some half cut ones tonight. Sort of a half rant on the dance punk revolution. The bravery is a shitty band.

My Imagination is Having Puppies

2005-05-25T16:25:00.000-06:00

As a few of you may know there is an eternal struggle going on between the forces of evil. The tall statuesque Jesus-like figure (Jon Discovery), and the skinny dark haired spawn of the skull throne(Jason Liske). This Yin and Yang have had many classic battles since the begining of time, but none so great as the most recent. Towering over each other through wars, weather and Disney films, these two omnipotent forces have turned to music.
there of course are the obviously black metal vs well meaning indie rock/folk, but this contest is where the very fires of hell clash with the light of heaven in the setting of a market mall coffee shop.
the legend goes, that some time about a year and a half ago Discovery came upon a list carved in stone by the Liske. People gathered around the stone and were commenting on how proud the creature was of this list. Discovery looked closer and read aloud "my all time to 10 favorite radiohead songs". With out reading any further Discovery screamed for the Liske to reveal himself. When he did not, Discovery made his own list. A list that more than forced the Liske out of hiding. For Weeks and week they engaged in a fiery battle unless the god himself flooded the land. Discovery and the Liske's lists where were washed away but they continued fighting, neither one giving an inch. Until now.......
I(Discovery), have revised my list. I only hope this will end the fiendish war and bring balance to the universe. However about 10 second after this list is posted, I am sure I'll want to change it.
here it is, the list
1.how can you be sure
2.lucky
3.idioteque
4.the bends
5.thinking of you
6.anyone can play guitar
7.2+2=5
8.airbag
9.wolf at the door
10. blackstar

PS: fitter happier isn't actually a song, thus is can not be put on a list of top ten songs. It acts as an intermission to ok computer.

Wooden Buccaneer

2005-05-24T23:43:00.000-06:00

Things just keep getting weirder and weird and I for the past to months my head has been filled only with Bonnie prince Billy and matt Sweeney's sweet harmony on "my home is the sea". Now all I think about is harmony and back up vocals. Luckily Greg thinks the same.
Iron Pirate had our first little session today and I think its going to be awesome. We each threw in a few songs. I have I nice progession going, its a little poppy but in a Sloan kind way. Greg had a brilliant song the more reflects the style I wanna get into. The only problem is he had his electric unplugged and I had my acoustic so its hard ot gauge what it might sound like when its full. We also have a mandolin and we're working of a bass. I think he had I sing at different enough octaves that it will allows for some great obscure background vocals/noises. In short, iron pirate will soon rule the world. At least my world.
it kinda has to start if I'm gonna stay here all summer. Last sweet Yukon train leaves June 5th and I've been considering it. Being home is disappointing to say the least I'm afraid. What with working and work sucking and never really knowing what to do with myself. I need some sort of hobby fast. I mean I have music but it would be cool if I had a tree fort where I could just always be playing. Random people could show up un-invited and just jam along. Good times.
as for the interesting news today, the American family association has lifted their 9 year boycott of Disney. (as Jon Stewart once said if an organization has the word family in their name, you know their pissed off) apparently they were mad about miramax, which is owned by Disney, putting out violent films without family values. The boycott was lifted because the AFA has other battles to fight. Apparently homos have taken over or something. That's what I got out of the article. its really too bad. too bad those fine people will be at Disney world again. I hear a couple of the ghost in the haunted mansion are gay.

Stroke my Genius

2005-05-20T16:59:00.000-06:00

I feel a little bit inspired today...Inspired but lethargic. Today marks my one week anniversary of freedom. I think I'll wear my SIAST shirt when it comes out of the wash. Just to prove I'm still in control. Its also the beginning of the long weekend and everyone is putting on their small clothes. I'm not one for extreme heat myself, but I don't mind the ladies in small clothes.
I saw the queen yesterday. The was wearing a blue hat and she waved a lot. Prince Philip kinda looks like a skeleton which I thought was wonderful. There was a man in a pink tie who randomly selected children in the crowd to meet the queen. He was a stange man, but I thought it was cute. The one thing that stoke me as odd was the extreme lack of security. There were a couple people in ties around them who may have been royal guards, there rest were sparsely placed, but well dressed and some campus cops. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a complaint. It makes me feel good that possibly the most well known person in the world can walk through a crowd safely.
I've really lost my inspiration. Jason just called and is having some problems. If you know Jason at all, you know what its about. Maybe bobby brown by frank zappa will cheer me up.....Yup.
I've been working on some new music finally. Possibly for iron pirate. I should really call Greg one of these days so we can put something together. I'm just no good at working with other people....Either that or I'm not motivated enough to organize a little jam.
did I write about watchign star wars yet....I don't think I did. Well here is the Jonathan Discovery review of Star Wars episode III:
yeah yeah, everyone had their cynical predictions for failure of this movie. Possibly as some strange superstition were if you believe that it will be complete shit, it will be the best movie ever. Well you goofy bastards, it almost worked.
it was a geat movie but certainly had its faux pas. The problem with episode III is the beginning. It shoots you right in and too much happens too quick. The only way to really make sense of it is to watch the clone wars carton as I'm told they end right in at the opening firefight. Not to mention that in that first 20 minutes or so there were some real cheeseball moments and lines.
once we get back to corissant, is gets going. Not to mention jar jar doesn't speak once in the whole movie. The dialogue is much better thought out and works really well. Hayden Christensen acting is still a little dry, but 10 thousand times better than attack of the clones. ewan McGregor really makes the movie, if not the entire pequel trilogy. Sir Alec Guinness would be proud of his younger self as obi wan.
now about the violence and fight scenes. Its is pretty fucking intense, put it that way. The moves closes very well and puts together all the loose ends and sets up very well for episode 4. There's even a brief shot of grand moff tarkin if you look closely.
all in all, the movie had nothing Disney about it, unlike the previous two. Now the only thing left to do is go make and re-make those first two to be more like this one and we'll have two great trilogys.

Waiting to exhale (after using my inhaler)

2005-05-18T20:59:00.000-06:00

Tonight is the night. The star war saga come to an end....Or the beginning....Well lets just say the middle. Either way a lot of jedi will die and that's really too bad, but I sure don't mind watching. I know how it ends, and yes, balance is restored to the force.
there a lot of discussion over how episode 3 will be much different (better) than the first 2. Personally I don't really care. I really just want to finish what I started. I saw the other two on opening night so it must be done. The worst part of the openig night is the ridiculous line-ups. Perhaps there wont be much of one for the 12:02 show. We're obviously the slackers who could be torn away from world of warcraft on time to get the 12:01 ticket. I'm cool with that.
so getting of the topic of star wars, lets talk about Canadian politics. Why not, right? Miss belinda has crossed the floor for those of you who don't watch television. The former conservative mp has joined the liberals and spawned thousands of childish insults that make us all a little less proud ot be Canadian. Is it just me or do the conservatives take things way to seriously?
anyway, I think it was a good move on her part. She obviously wasn't being heard in her party and wasn't proud of where they were going. It makes sense to me. With a charmer like Mr Harper screaming at the top of his lungs everyday about how all good Canadian should eat their hotdogs sideways, I'm sure its very hard to believe the world has gone mad.
her crossing is nice for the liberals I guess, but being that I'm not a liberal all I care about is the ndp budget amendments, which Mr Harper is planning to fuck up once again.
the real heartbreaker is when the cbc goes around asking opinions of poepl on the street and no one seems to know what their talking about. No one actually pays attention to the issues, they just pick their favorite colour and that's their party. There so many quote like "liberals been in power too long, too much corruption" with that exact grammar. You have to wonder if they read more than the headlines of the paper. You have ot keep reading or you get a pretty vague idea of the story.
in other news, the queen will be in Saskatoon tomorrow. I would very much like to meet her. I've ever gelled my moustache in preparation. I think she and I would get along very well. Kind of like the relationship between the queen and buddy Cole in chalet 2000.
you don't know what I'm talking about do you?
Francois, why do they call it "peace" soup?

For The Readers

2005-05-16T02:14:00.000-06:00

it recently came to my attention that I actually have blog readers. Avid ones too. Sometimes I get replys about blog entries less than 24 hours after their written. That just seems so strange to me. Not only that but it seems just be enjoyable for these 3 readers that I know about. What a concept. For those people I have posted one of my favorite pictures of all time. I think it accurately represents how I feel about you. I'm the lady duck.
also please use the comment feature more often. That would be nice. Today I picked up two essentials...In manner of speaking. I bought star wars tickets. The 12:02 show. That's right. Not the 12:01. We see it a minute later than those lucky cocksuckers. I'm so disappointed. Disappointed that my theater will be less crowded because its not sold out. Its goona be a blast. I aso bought a frank zappa best of. There's really no other way to go with zappa. The guy has 3000 albums and this one was like $10 and had bobby brown goes down so there's no going wrong.
so anyone want to talk about the new weezer album? I've only heard the singe and it makes me scared to hear the rest of the album. Pitchfork gave it a rating of 0.4 that's about how I would rate the single. Being that they went though like 17 albums that were thrown out to get to this as a final product, it kinda seems like they're coming in our hair. From what I've heard it could have been recorded in an afternoon. It to the point where we must all ask our selves the top five musical crimes committed by wezzer post pinkerton; sub question, is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great band for their latter day sins? Is it better to burn out or to fade away?
my CD collection finally has a home again. It looks magnificent but re-organizing the lot today I had a thought I've never had before. For the first item ever I thought about sellign some of my cds. Just the embasrassing ones. I mean out of aprox 350, the have maybe a100 great cds, 200 good cds and about 50 embarassing cds. Maybe I should just separate them.
in other news I'm out of money. I need to make a new resume and get a new job.
just thinking about that makes me tired.
perhaps my effort to fuck up my sleep patterns is best done slowly. I need to pace myself.

Drunk Post

2005-05-15T02:44:00.000-06:00

Because of my limited internet access since I;ve started this blog, its been difficult to make a late night drunk entry, which is really what blogging is all about right?
so here I am, its not even late yet. Its only 2:45 but I'm at home wondering where to find my muse. Back in tow for good. I'm free. Exile no longer plagues this fine young man and the need for teaching myself media art production is no longer required. (not in any structured for anyway).
despite that lack of Yukon people, the city is a buzz with oranges, bananas and tropical fruits of al kinds. The only goal for the next few months is to make beautiful music in the traditional sense and in the naughty way. Forgive me, I'm horny.
that last line will haunt me but its important to be straight-forward about these kinds of things.
more and more people threaten to abandon the republic I've set up my the main characters never get killed off.
we're not jumping the shark quite yet I hope (Maude Flanders)
the important thing is that nothing is ever static. This place gives that illusion while remaining very spontaneous and beautiful. Always moving but never really going anywhere. Running in circles. You may be a shadow now, but in a week you'll be at the yard or the cactus singing along to some old velvet underground wishing you could create such wonders.
after all, no one is or ever will be Lou Reed.
no lets get philosophical in a grade 10 way. Why do I crqave human contact os much for when ti'm shit faced. If this chemical lowers my inhabitions, what does it really mean. Does it mean that I'm very lonely and sad, or does it mean that this side of my personality is just a big joke. When I say contact I mean like spooning, by the way.
now thc, this it different, this will expand my inhabitions and level of consciousness but its come to the point where I cant enjoy that. It makes me such a boring person that even I refuse to be around. What does this say?
in the end it doesn't really matter. We all get laid. The only thing that stands in our way in our inability to control time. What a bother.

Go To The Mirror Boy

2005-05-06T15:48:00.000-06:00

Goddamn its nice to be done. Its as if I'm being released from jail as a fully functional member of society. Now its time to fuck shit up.
I promised Jeff Pederson I would start a blog war with him so here goes.
let me tell you a few things about Jeff pederson. First of all, lets talk about those sideburns. Doesn't even have any. fucking lame Jeff. Second, who does he think he si with that man or astro man t-shirt. Don't you have something else to wear you poor boy? I mean we all get that you like man or astro man, but we also get that that;s lame so stop advertising.
and whets with the whole nice guy thing? "oh look at me, I'm Jeff, I like everything and am always willign to do anything. Everyone loves me cause I'm Jeff pederson" god!

that's all I have unfortunately. I feel pretty bad about writing it. I'm just no cut out for wars or words on the internet.

in the news today Canada is planning on sending peacekeeping troops to darfur. Finally. Some one in western politics decided that 400,000 dead people is Smithson to worry about. Tsunami was 300, 000 and 9/11 was 3000. Its a little late for hind sight, but its nice that my country is finally stating involved.

soon I'll be in the real world again. A place where music snob drink coffee and discuss why the new hot hot heat album has little merit and why the bravery is utter garbage. I honestly cant wait. Good bye northern Saskatchewan. Hello modeate-sized city nights.

Why Dance-Punk Is Lame

2005-05-02T13:33:00.000-06:00

So the new music revelation with the kids today is the dance punk. It seems to be strikingly popular and can be great sometimes. Usually if its not called dance punk.
first of all, punks don't dance, they slam. Dancing is for housewives and little girls.
now I'm not against all dance punk and nu-rock and neu alt or whatever the latest genre is called. (even as a music snob I have trouble keeping up. I guess because I listen to music and not genres) I like a lot of these bands. I can dig one or two futureheads songs, hot hot heat had some songs on make up the breakdown, and there a few good things on the bloc party CD. What I simply can not tolerate is a band like the bravery. I even gave them a chance and tried really hard to like them but honest mistake is just too much. That song nearly makes me wrecth every time I hear it.
looking at lists on Amazon I came across my own lists and while reviewing them I noticed that on the side bar there were numerous other lists. Supposedly similar lists. The problem is that their not similar. While my lists have things like the mountain goats and bowie and the zombies and the make-up, these lists are jam packed with controller controller and the bravery and the killers and metric and other garbage I would be embarrassed to have in my collection. The thing is these lists al have a few similar tastes such as AC Newman, the unicorns, arcade fire, bright eyes, etc.
I shoudlnt be mad. its not like the kids liking my music is a big sellout thing, but I think the elitist indie community should all get together and burn down the studio where the make the OC.
yeah that's right, I found my scapegoat.
check out an OC soundtrack. Will you find hip hop or avril or evanesence or the garbage the OC fans usually listen to? Nope, you'll find a mix tape that contains songs someone like me would put on a mix tape. AC Newman, bright eyes, the shins, etc.
being that "indie" used to mean independent, I always thought it was a safe hideout. its like when alterative used to mean the alernative to the shit on the radio. then the goo goo dolls were "alt-rock" and life as we knew it came crashing down.
luckily there always good coming out of it. If the killers crowd gets some AC Newman in their system, maybe we have a new generation of fanboys on the way. Maybe they will eventually sway into the mountain goats and delve into local shows and support Canadian true independents like black mountain and whatnot. Until then most of us elitists, too cool to dance, will hideout in the psych-folk deferment cranking devendra banhart and little wings and Joanna newsom as high as it will go. Which really isn't very loud at all.

Mane of Discovery

2005-04-28T13:47:00.000-06:00

This is what I would look like were I a lion. Mostly likely a rouge male cast away from the rest of the pride left forge for myself and much better for it. We skinny lions, we'll be the death of you.
I haven't been blogging and I apologize. Between researching travel destinations, and downloading as much music as I can find on to the SIAST network drive, I haven't had much time for my thoughts. My thoughts as always are about the news and music I'm listening to.
first, the news.
it will sure be great if the federal buget is passed. Jack Layton has finally done something. I thought he was dead, he hadn't been mentioned in so long. This is a real stepping stone for the NDP. The money that's now going to social programs and foreign aid is very refreshing. I'm sure Bono will be happy after his choice word to the prime minister the other day. All in all I'm pretty impressed by the political system in Canada right now. It all seems to be working out, except of course for Stephen Harper. If he manages to shoot down this buget then everything is back to square one. I'm glad they no longer call themselves progressive conservatives. Really I just hate Stephen harpers smarmy confidence. Referring to the NDP/liberal talks as a "death bed conversation". If that guy ever becomes prime minister even in a minority government, I'm moving to Singapore until it all blows over.
now on to the music.
April and May are always huge for new music and I've been doing the best I can to hear it all. The problem is that being born in 1983 has left be pretty behind on a lot of music so I'm always working my way through it all. For the new stuff I'm listening now I'm really into the new British sea power's open season. Its not as much fun as a lot of the tracks on the decline off..., however its really catchy and easy to listen to. The brit pop certainly shines through a lot more these days. Other new ones like the decemberits picturesque are gaining popularity. its also very great but at the moment is failing to compare to her majesty, the decemberists. There's also the new mountain goats, the sunset tree which delivers but is undoubtedly different from his other works. Not better or worse, but different. I like none the less. Then of course the new Bonnie 'prince' Billy and Matt Sweeney with superwolf. Best of his since I see a darkness I think.
other great stuff I've been listening to is Black mountain's self titled. Took a while to get into that one but fuck is it good. I can listen to any song on there over and over again and no get tired of it. Going back a few years I recently picked up forever changes by Love. 60's pych-folk at its finest. Listening to the zombies a bit as well.
there's a lot of other stuff that I haven't passed judgment on yet as well like magnolia electric co, the go! Team, Joanna newsom, nick drake, and about 3 million other I cant be bothered to list right now.
also threes some new singles out there from the more popular band I tend to like. There's feel good inc by Gorillaz, which is actually really great. They tend to squeeze too many styles into one song and this is no exception, but I like it anyway. Blue orchid by the white stripes, which also is pretty great I think. After the first listen I wasn't convinced. I wasn't even sure that it was them. Now that I have it on the playlist, it shows up occasionally and I'm very happy when it does.
then we come to the new Weezer single. Yeah.......
is it really fair to criticize a formerly great band for their latter day sins?
either way the single "Beverly hills" is unquestionably the worst thing I've ever heard from weezer and all I can do is wait for the album and hope it doesn't all sound like that. Teen summer movie soundtrack garbage.
well that's that for me for now.

Jon

No satisfaction

2005-04-18T11:01:00.001-06:00

black mountain. i'll talk about this more a litte later.

A Jedi Craves Not These Things

2005-04-13T14:51:00.000-06:00

I think if you have the time you should e-mail the actual Jonathan discovery. Its really boring here. I can find things to occupy my time but I keep getting kicked out of the computer labs because of something dumb like the new media people have a class about some website crap. So now I'm in the library lab which has no programs, it doesn't even have win XP. I mean who has a computer with a like 15in LCD monitor, and window 2000. fuck 200, its 2005 beatch!
my sense of humor is coming back, I must be feeling better.
I've become greatly concerned about the status in darfur. For some reason I feel like I need to go there and do something to help. I dunno, be an aid worker or something. Its fucking awful. It sickens me to be so far away and all I can do is pledge $20 and say "that's awful" and then just go on eating my fancy dinner while several people are probably being held at gunpoint for no good reason. I wish I were a jedi. I actually do. I want to be obi wan and jump from a ship with my light saber defending what is good in the world. Sadly the jedi are all but extinct. Even kit feisto.
you should watch hotel Rwanda. Isn't it strange how genocide can go unnoticed but some right whitey who will never come out of a coma being put to rest is international news for 2 weeks. These rants are for my lack of blogging lately. Infect this might end up in the blog. So what else is there to say. anything I say will make me feel too much like part of the problem. Basically I'm trying to download the new gorillaz album because the single is fucking awesome. Feel good Inc. Also the new mountain goats both yet to be released. Yes I down load, but I also buy. Who else out there has a 300+ at the age of 21? That's right.
you should read john darnielle's blog. He reviews music. http://www.lastplanetojakarta.com/

The End Of Inspiration...Like Empire

2005-04-11T11:07:00.000-06:00

I t was painfully apparent that after the show last weekend that this was something new. There would be a new world. The whole event was like the end of a movie, just perfect. What possibly could be more anti-climactic than moving back to Prince Albert, not to return for 3 weeks. I feel like an unimportant bobby Fischer. Instead of being the perfect ending like high fidelity, it becomes the ominous ending of the empire strikes back. In any event I shouldn't be in this town. Only a month to go.
but what happens in the summer? Will I get my inspiration back? Is that even possible at this point? Do I go to the Yukon or stay here and save up to go somewhere better?
so what's in the news? Maybe I could offer some commentary...Nope
all I can say is go out and rent hotel Rwanda on Tuesday. That's my pick for the week. Also if you haven't already, check out the corporation, the yes men and what the bleep do we know. Those are my picks. The only reason I suggest them now is because if I suggested them at work, people would return to give me a good old fashioned PA hippie beating.
it just seems imperative to me that you know the name of the prime minister of your won country. I swear, when people talk about politics or religion in this town, I really have to hold back. Is there a nice way to tell someone the world is not flat?
the culprit I learned is the apathetic high school history teacher. Despite the fact that I was usually high for grade 12 history and ended up with a %50 , I still feel I have a good generally knowledge of the creation of my country and its history. Whereas people in this town left their history classes on the honor roll and have no idea that this small town was the constituency for 3 of Canada's prime ministers. Nor could they name any of them. Does it seem to anyone else that this should be required knowledge? And I'm pretty sure it is, but then how is the education system so unbalanced? I'll have to talk to my mother about that. I have a feeling her grade 2's know more about Canada than some of the residents of prince Albert.

The 4th Age

2005-04-04T15:23:00.000-06:00

What a week it has been. Wonderful and trying. Spring has finally come and left the cities caked in mud. Jonathan Discovery, the musician played his first show ever. Jon and Maegan have parted in the traditional sense. The pope is dead. I am now addicted to myspace.com
why more could April possibly have in store? Its hard to say but for the moment I feel wonderful.
so wonderful that I'm not going to bitch about the news the pope, or ever the Junos. I'll say fuck the junos, but that's all.
try and find me when I;'m in a worse mood. It wont take long im sure. I'll be back. Until then try out www.myspace.com/jonathandiscovery

April Fucking Fools

2005-04-01T12:16:00.000-06:00

April fools

you just lost the great big entry you just wrote. Way to waste your time. Folks, for the saftley of you and your kin, don't blog though photobucket. blog your photos and edit the post. Otherwise it shuts down on you when you try to send and proceeds to kick you in the birth canal.

Vancouver/Victoria

2005-04-01T12:07:00.000-06:00

Last weekend I took a leisurely drive to the coast. By leisurely of course I mean long, seeing as I live in Saskatchewan. Brendan and Greg Reese joined me on this expedition, or rather I joined them. What time it was. So warm and rainy and green. As we drove through the Fraser valley it was approaching dusk and the sky was stained pink behind the green mountains. The song on the stereo was "I can feel it" by Sloan. The whole time I had my cigarette out the window and was thinking the was a good chance I might see some pegusi, or perhaps a wyvern. At the very least a rainbow.
the point is at that moment I felt better than I have felt in a really really long time. I suggest trying it. Good will come, I promise. The trip its self was great. Stowing away on the ferry to Victoria was a good time. Also it was nice to see all the Saskatoon people out there. The problem with it is, it seems like anywhere I go to visit Saskatoon friends, there is just a huge group of us. No one really hangs out with Vancouver people. Prairie folk stick to their own. Its astrange thing. Happens in a lot of places I go.
you can see more pictures of my trip if you go to my website which is listed on the side. Speaking of the west coast, it seems I have a new plan yet again. This one is perhaps less exciting, but it might just happen. Seeing as how I love the west coast I have recently been searching for some audio engineering programs out there and I found a great one right in Vancouver. The problem is that its $15000. Also I still want to travel before I'm an old man (25) so the question posed to me was, do I travel first and then rack up a huge student debt? Or do I rack up a huge
debt, pay it back and then travel.
as proposed to me by Travis major I take the latter. The key point in his proposal is I pay off the debt by teaching English in Asia. Thereby killing two birds with one stone. We'll see how the whole thing works. I'd still prefer some around the world action. Hardcore Madagascar.
I play my first show ever on Saturday night. Opening for the likes of the Fjords and maybe Smith is pretty nerve racking, but I guarantee a good show. At least 2 thirds of a good show anyway. If you're in the area come on by. Maybe I'll give you a Jeff Pederson t-shirt (patent pending).
lastly, I want to state that the whole Terri Shiavo thing is not news. While I was away this weekend, if I turned on a television I was bombarded from all sides by people commenting on this "issue". A moral delimena/argument between some people in Florida is no only no one else's business, but I know for a fact that there is something much more important going on somewhere else in the world. Maybe they should spend every waking hour on the genocide in dafur. Doesn't anyone even know about that? Where is Sudan? Isn't that whole thing over? Millions dying is much more important than weither or not a person in a coma lives or dies. Unless of course that person is in your immediate family. This whole this is just another excuse to have a knock down drag about fight between the "leftists" and the "conservatives" or other wise knows as the religious right and the socialist goddamn hippies.
I've been wanting to say this all week. The whole thing seems to me like some bad soap opera script somehow got onto the news desk at CNN as a joke and somehow became serious international news.
I'd also like to say for the record that Stephen Harper is a douche bag. That man is so homophobic he eats his hotdogs sideways.

2005-03-22T11:16:00.000-06:00

Finally got the links working and the pictures and everyhitng. i'm

becoming more and more of a blogger every day. now if i coudl typw

without spellign mistakes, and actually wrote more than once a week, i

woudl be in business. i can now share my pictures with the world, and

of course by world i mean Kim, because as we knwo she is the onyl one

who ever reads this garbage. if there is someone else reading, comment

or something. feedback is always nice. even if its really negative.

Too Late And Beyond

2005-03-22T10:43:00.000-06:00

dark have been my dreams of late. much has happened and it seems i dont have much time for anything at all these days. still, perhaps i should bring the blog up to speed.
The Fjords will be having a cd release party on april 2nd. opening for them will be Maybe Smith, and Jonathan Discovery. thats me. this will be my first preformace ever, except of course when i played a couple songs at the block party last summer. thats The Fjords, Maybe Smith and Jonathan Discovery, Saturday April 2nd at Amigos.
now that the shamelss self promotion is out of the way, i'm going to vancouver tomorrow. well, starting the journey anyway. only one more day of school and night of work and i get a bit of a break from all the hoopla. plus i get to hang out with the ever facinating Drew Davies.
my well being right now is mostly dependent on the future. perhaps in the future there wont be a blizzard on the first day of spring. maybe the future holds something great in vancouver. in the future i can leave PA and never come back. maybe in the future i can drive through PA, get some booze, and go to the lake. better times are on theor way for sure.
this whole school thing just isnt for me. as you may notice, i spend most of my time on this here internet research what to do when i get out of here. i still get god marks and pass and all that, but i dotn think i want to do anything with my life in the traditional definition. the last thing i want is a career. i would much rather work shitty jobs save up, travel around, play guitar, meet new people. career and family...hmm sounds like a real waste of life to me.
of course being a cynical twenty something, i realize my view will probably change. i just don't want it to.

There are no words

2005-03-22T10:34:00.000-06:00

The Great Divorce

2005-03-13T02:44:00.000-06:00

it just came to my attention how essential my trip around the world is to my very being. though at the same time, with no physical representative to report all my findings to, how can i properly function. its a double edged knife based on something i just cant my head around..not yet anyway. the problem with work and school and the like is they are such distractions from all my metaphysic needs. without a place to be without that life to live you are free to learn on your own. i don't have time to read. i have to distract myself from the distractions of the other distractions. does that make sense? obligation leads to a need for distraction in a way. i'm really having a hard time with this so bear with me. i'm so glad there are movies like i heart hukabees out there. you need to be able to poke fun and the quasi pretentiousness of existential thought. if anything is motivation for progress. the fact of the matter is, i believe i need to be alone and free of responsibility and obligation to further grasp whatever it is i'm looking for. the catch is that without someone to share and discuss any enlightenment, it doesn't feel that rewarding. maybe thats the lion inside talking. everyone should know me complex. setting up a time where you commit to being creative is a lot like setting up times to have sex. you'll never get what you want. it will always feels just a little hollow. however, perhaps devoting a large amount of time to being without distraction will give more opportunity to stop and actually decipher the complexities of every day being.

I Guess We'll Just Have To Adjust

2005-03-08T11:04:00.000-06:00

There are a few things troubling me at the moment. Think that make me want to reliquish my first world membership just to even it out a little bit more. Just your stereotypical self hating lefty I suppose. If I make myself miserable enough I might just be forced to help out little.
the goal of the Iraq invasion (which is almost becoming cliche to talk about) was never weapons or national security. It was always to better the lives of the people and give them democracy. Let them choose. In that case, why didn't the US just lift some of the sanctions against the country? Maybe concentrate more on someone who actually needed help. Hey have you heard about the genocide in Sudan? Of course you haven't. And if you have its been a side note. The only thing that matters now in the western world is weither you are left or right and this is where the whole thing begins.
has the world ever been so divided? Bill o'rielly and Anne Coulter believe that if you're not with them, you're against them. That sums it up there. Poor winners and poor losers in a seemingly eternal battle for who is right. Did there used to be a time when things weren't so cut and dry? I just cant believe this whole thing. No one is willing to listen to each other. Possibly because neither side makes a good point. Have you ever heard the argument clinic skit by Monty python? That's is the state we are in. Lefty likes chocolate? chocolate is for pinko commie motherfucking hippies.
I read a while ago that newly democratic countries are the most likely to have civil war break out. Could the same be said about outgoing democracy? It seems to me like the first world maybe about to erupt.
it all comes back to a dream I had. Two armies my army in blue fighting from the trees with arrows, the other side it red with muskets. The trees left us of their own free will and that was when I understood how wrong this whole thing was. No one would listen. With us or against us. There was no inbetween. The only solution is passive resistance. Stand up to the tank in the square. Gandhi defeated the British empire. What have you done?
here are some links of interest
www.thoseshirts.com
www.darfurgenocide.org
www.cbc.ca/fifth/sticksandstones.html

Knives For Sale

2005-03-07T14:40:00.000-06:00

First of all, go out right now and see Ong-Bak. Best martial arts display of all time. Even if you don't like that kind of thing, go and see it, its amazing.
in other news, I'm taking a trip around the world. Anyone want to race? La, Hong Kong, Melbourne, male, Kampala, Amsterdam, London, Reykjavik, new York, Saskatoon. Lets do it.
someone has to race me. Or at least come with me. Prove the world is round. Someone has to do it.
more news, the album will be ready in august. That's what the zodiac tells me.

This Week In Tyranny......

2005-03-01T15:07:00.000-06:00

Last week was a good week for Canada. The best one in a long time. I apologize to my avid reader (Kim) for not posting anything about it earlier. I was busy commenting on all the MBlog posts. If you haven't heard, The Kyoto Protocol became the law last week. We are now doing our part to stop global warming. Then our Prime Minister Paul Martin, did something he has not done since he was elected. He made a decision. No, not about the buget, that's boring. This was about missile defense. Canada will not participate in that wacky US missile defense scheme.
it was all well and good until US ambassador Paul Cellucci decided to comment.

"We will deploy. We will defend North America," he said. "We simply cannot understand why Canada would in effect give up its sovereignty its seat at the table to decide what to do about a missile that might be coming towards Canada."

is it me, or does that seem like like bully on the playgroud telling you you're not a real man if you don't steal from the seven-eleven. Are we nations of 7th graders? What kind of cheap bullshit peer pressure comment is that? Its effectively saying "Canada is a sissy girl". My biggest fear was what Mr Martins response would be. I just knew it would be some passive backing down weak-ass comment. I was pleasantly surprised.

"But in terms of Canadian airspace, yes we would expect to be consulted. This is our airspace. We're a sovereign nation. And you don't intrude on a sovereign nation's airspace without seeking permission."
"We did not give up sovereignty," Martin responded. "We affirmed sovereignty."

wow. Do you believe it? That is the sort of response we as Canadians shoudd be expecting from our leader. In fact, this is the first time I have ever thought of Mr Martin as the leader of this country. Perhaps politics isn't just grade school insults as I had feared. Perhaps there are actual intelligent politicians out there. What?

in other news please check out www.justconcerts.ca and listen to the destroyer session with frog eyes. It is fucking awesome.

All Of Them? Yes, All of them.

2005-02-24T15:12:00.000-06:00

Kyoto Protocol is the law today, hooray! I'd just like eveyone to know that no one can take a good idea like Kyoto and make it lame like Saskatoon can. Its not just them, its all over the country. Saskatoon is making a giant "Y" in the snow using people. Alberta has the K, Manitoba the O, Ontario the T and the final O in Nova Scotia. We're all in kindergarten again everyone. Buddy up and we'll make letters in the snow.
in other related news, the two countries how have the worst two worst leaders, did not sign into the Kyoto protocol. Of course the Untied States's George Bush and his little lap dog Australia's John Howard. May they be plagued with locust. Hey, this is opinion not news!
moving on, I can't get my blog to have links on the sidebar. Html code just doesn't compute for me. Unfortunately, I'm not quite at that age where I can be too stubborn to learn, but when I am....Man, that will be the day.

Incense and Peppermints

2005-02-22T15:46:00.000-06:00

Time flies by, what concept. This vegan for a week experiment is going really well. No cigarettes, meat of dairy. I'm eating a lot better and a can breathe a lot better as well. The one thing that bothers me is I seem to be constantly hungry. I also find it so interesting, yet frustration to have to read the ingredients in everything I eat. Its nice to know what's going into my body. Still, I don't know how vegans do it and my hat goes off to them...pitty I don't wear hats. In any case, kudos to you all.
in other news, Joel Plaskett's new solo CD is out today and I plan to go buy it in about 10 minutes. I'm sure it will be great, I heard a few songs last summer when he played. The real problem is the only record store in this dreadful northern town probably wont have it. There's also a new kings of Leon out today so maybe I'll check that out to tide me over. If they don't have that...Well uummm.... They're just...uh... jerks I guess...
moving on, if anyone here is an avid mblog reader, Matt is back online.
that's my good news for today. Also go out and rent I Heart Hukabees tonight if you have the chance. I really enjoyed it, I hope you will too.

Hunter S. Thompson 1937-2005

2005-02-21T10:25:00.000-06:00

i dont know why he did it. there's many reasons i'm sure. maybe we'll never know the right one. perhaps he just couldnt exist in two worlds any more. whatever the reason for his apperent suicide, the left has lost one of its greatest heros. true, he was an asshole. drunk or drugged, but he believed in something new. always a protagonist in my eyes. i wish i knew more about him before now. now all i have it what the papers tell me, and we knwo they're nto to be trusted precious.
in other news i've lost my mind. i'm cosumed by exitentialism and revolutionary thought. i cant hold a thought in my head for more than 5 mintues and it becoming more and more important that i write eveything down. adventure and excitment, a jedi craves not these things. i'm not a jedi. weird.
i'll be back soon you can bet on that.

Verb The Adjective Noun

2005-02-18T14:23:00.001-06:00

So this is near the end of February. For as long as I can remember this is always the catastrophe month. The height of winter sadness with manic weather and too much to be done. I don't expect it to change and I have my reasons. For me the new year begins at the end of this month. I can feel it coming, I'm about to break out of hibernation and do something brilliant...Or at the very least, mildly amusing.
the snow will start to melt for good in the next few weeks. What goes on after that, I could care less. Happiness comes in mud colored care sachels. Just over two month to go in my self inflicted sentence. That's a pretty sweet fruit.
For now I think everyone should rate me at hot or not and rate me good....Or bad, what the fuck do I care. As long as you're amused by in in some way.
also I recommend seeing what I've done to my webpage. its sure is pretty.
not was the winter on my discontent, but the promise of spring, well that's enchantment.
say hello to the next bubba sparks.

Northern Verse

2005-02-17T11:27:00.000-06:00

There's nothing much to say about the north. I've listed the bad points many times before. As for the good points, they don't get any space on my blog. There's nothing good to say. The good things you keep to yousrself just in case someone else is miserable. We love company. At least I do.
the way I refuse to wake up in the morning must mean something.
today I'm being told to look for answers in my daydreams.
all I see is something building up
I think there gonna be a revelation or a rebellion. Either one is fine.
maybe I just need to eat something. Mom was right.

Happy Birthday Darling

2005-02-14T14:03:00.000-06:00

Events. This weekend I left prince albert. It was as if I cast off the shackles for 2 days of controlled freedom with a side of lingering doom. The time passed and sent me back. Bound to this exile again.
this time I have presents and a mind to un-lock. I got my greedy little hands on 4 new CD's this weekend. The two new bright eyes CD's which where shipped to my house a few weeks ago, Maegan bought me the arcade fire's funeral, and I also took in the shins - chutes too narrow. Already bright eyes has made it to the best of 2005 list for I'm wide awake, its morning.
Saturday evening was a mix of a deep musical euphoria enhanced by psychedelic drugs. joya!
Sunday I remembered why I chose this place. Masochism. Plain and simple. I've seen what beauty and joy the world has to offer in many places, but what good is all that without the horrific underbelly of the north in January/February. Dabbling in bokononism. We are dabblers no more.
please visit www.savetoby.com
put a smile on.

For No One

2005-02-09T13:36:00.000-06:00

At risk of sounding like a angsty high school kid, I'm feeling a little like R2-D2 at the moment. No one undertstands what he's saying and no one seems to care. The internet turns me into whatever this is. I'm 14 again.
of course I shoudlnt expect anyone to listen to me. I really don't have a whole lot to say that's relevant. Most of what I say is recycled paraphrasing from a website I've vistited recently. Politics is like speaking French to me. I understand it, but I cant speak it. I don't know how to form a sentence properly. Discussion and debate are very different things.
I was watching "outfoxed: rupert murdoch's war on journalism" last night, and one portion really upset me. Bill o'rielly, a right wing fox anchor was interviewing a young man by the name of Jeremy glick. He had lost his father in the world trade center attacks, but had signed an anti-war petition. Bill o'reilly was screaming at him, and he remained calm explaining why he was agaisnt the war. Mr o'rielly was furious screaming about how he was a disgrace to the victims of the attacks even his father and his widowed mother. Jeremy remained calm and polite andevery time he tried to say anything he was screamed down. Eventually he was cut off and removed from the building.
I wish I could remember one of my favorite quotes. Its from the book mother night by Kurt vonnegut. To paraphrase, no matter how much you hate, god does not hate with you.
we all have our own idea an opinions, but with the right of having opinion comes the responsibility to listen to other viewpoints no matter how radical. They may seem to you. An aguement is not won by volume and semantics. And argument can only be won if the parties involved accept their differences and try to learn from one another.
if you're listening please use the comment feature. I'd like to know if I'm being heard or not.

Ask The Robit

2005-02-08T11:11:00.000-06:00

Its been kinda hard to write lately. I put myself in the shoes of an assembly robot and tried to turn off all desire and humanity. If there's a place to do that, its up north here.
maybe its the weather, maybe its was the robot mindset, or maybe its due to sheer frustration, but I feel refreshed. Still frustrated, but refreshed. I feel think I can think and express myself again. Like my brain has been thawing in the sink all day, and finally it time to cook supper. I'm a little disappointed that it took so long for me to get into this mindset, but I'm happy its here.
I've been laying in bed dreaming about the future like I used to. I don't know what lies ahead for me. The only sure thing is that I will stay in PA to finish this first year of media. Then comes summer. I don't think I'll have the time to save up money for next year. I think I'll be too busy living and traveling and working on my music. The plan I developed earlier this morning is to move to Edmonton and finally form the super group Robits.
it doesn't really matter where I go as long as its not void of all culture like prince albert. Any city with a snobby indie record store. That's all I need.
keeping with music, while you slave away today make sure you visit www.justconcerts.ca hear everyone of your favorite bands in a live concert while you do what you do. Unless of course your favorite band is menudo....If that's the case, give up on music.
I have little else to say. I e-mailed it all to Kim earlier this morning so I'm afraid the rest of you are fucked. Then again, who wants to hear my bitching anyway? I know I do.
today a black cat crossed my path. The day had hardly begun. I was driving to school and a black cat casually walked across the road I slowed down as to not hit the wonderful creature. In the spirit of prince albert, someone honked, passed me and may, or may not, have given me the middle finger. The theme of the day is omens. Its as good a theme as any.
mental note: compile a list of albums to buy.
well I'm off to compile a list of albums to buy. Cheers.

The Movies

2005-01-27T13:08:00.000-06:00

In every movie...Well most anyway, there is always a catastrophe. The main character suddenly has everything happen to him/her at once. We as the audience feel bad, but at the same time, we have watched as this character has built up this mess through the entire movie. That's how the last two days have felt.
bad days just don't make sense to me. I feel abandoned. Like the former alpha male now merely a drone. Something is missing here.
in the movies, the hero character will fell down, but then miracously get back up and go on to win the day. Tolkien called that the u-catastrophe. When everything is dark, some light manages to get through. I believe it exists, but I don't think it is the case here today.
this isn't a movie. If it was, the writers would be bigger hacks than M Night Shymalan. The only real thing that a movie has ever given me is a line. Its a code really. A phrase to live by.
The dude abides.
The dude abides.

Writer's Bloc Party

2005-01-25T13:39:00.000-06:00

Nothing does a body good, like another body. Even up in this silly northern town, or at least that's what I'm told. Prince Albert Saskatchewan is not a place, nor is it a state of mind. It is in fact, a metal disease. I mean, who besides the mentally disabled would wear a snowmobile suit everywhere. While applying for a job or trying to pick up someone at the bar. Prince Albert, that's who. The people here don't have names, they have problems. Its like how tigers identify each other through their striped patterns, prince Albert indentifies each other by the different neon stripes on the snowmobile suits.
this is really unfair. I don't have anything against the people of Prince Albert. Just the ones who wear snowmobile suits.
still it would be nice to have another body to share my disappointment with. Someone to talk to when I'm hiding from this town. Its lonely when your life is a low ceiling and a guitar. Its to the point where I cant even make anything out of it.
I wish apathy would drown me like it used to. I don't know when I started caring again, but I remember why I stopped.
this is far to negative. I intended this entry to be full of hope. Nothing does a body good like another body. Its a hopeful statement, like I'm waiting for a cure. Or maybe I should just start drinking my milk.

Sucking Freezies in the Rain

2005-01-17T15:07:00.000-06:00

I know what time it is. I realize that its already January 17th. But I also realize that I haven't let everyone know my top 5 albums of 2004. I mean, this is possibly the biggest event of the entire year for a music geek and I totally missed it. Well.. Missed putting on the internet anyway.
let me start by saying that 2004 was not the very best year for new releases. I was thinking about this list in September and I became so frustrated I couldn't speak for 3 days. Some of the best albums this year were post-September which is quite different from 2003, where I had my list made by that time.
this list this year may not be as accurate as I would like. Being that I'm living up north right now I have very little access to the radio indie scene, and seeing as I've been here since September, I still haven't heard some of the stuff by artists of say pitchfork's top CD list. Still I think my list is agreeable and will leave a pleasant taste in your mouth. So without further ado

Jon Discovery's Top 5 Albums Of 2004!
1. Arcade Fire - Funeral (ok so its number 1 everywhere, but for good reason. I wouldn't be surprised if I achieves sgt or ok computer type status in the years to come)
2. Stars - Set Yourself On Fire (I don't know what to say about this band except, why do I keep missing all their shows. So many missed opportunities. Luckily this CD is awesome)
3. Wilco - A Ghost is Born (I know it's no YHF, but it works. I'm not normally one for long drawn-out jam songs, but this album made me a believer)
4. Devendra Banhart - Rejoicing In The Hands (wow. Compared to his first album oh me oh my, this is just so different. He took his unique voice and turned it into something so beautiful and real. By far the best 60's folk album released since Donovan)
5. The Streets - A Grand Don't Come For Free (Mike Skinner, may be somewhat irritating, but he made it happen in this hip-hopera.)

Hon Mention:
Ben Kweller - On My Way
Tilly and the Wall - Wild Like Children
Mountain Goats - We Shall All Be Healed
TV on the Radio - Desperate Youth, Blood thirsty Babes
Julie Doiron - Goodnight Nobody
Tangiers - Never Bring You Pleasure
Heavy Blinkers - The Night And I Are Still So Young

well thar she blows folks. That's my nickel. I have to go buy and extending chord now.

Two Years

2005-01-12T15:05:00.000-06:00

Today I revisited my trip to New Zealand. I wrote an e-mail to a friend who is headed over there in the coming weeks to pass on my knowledge of the country on. I realize now that I left for that trip almost 2 years ago. Maybe that's not a big thing to most people, but for me, its the only really worth while thing I've done since....Well, ever. I need to get out and go again. There's school now and more school after that. All I want to do is see things and meet people and smoke and drink and be merry.
maybe I have had good times since then. In fact, I know I have. Maybe its just too cold in this country. I need to devote my life to working from march to august, saving up as much of it as possible, then spending it all from September to February in a warmer, more fun place. When I think of people like English Tim, it makes me feel good. He was 32 been traveling since his mid 20's and is still traveling. Maybe I could just move to Vancouver. At least their winters are tolerable.
I cant stand being stagnant. My routine is killing me. School, work, watch TV, sleep, school watch lots of TV, sleep, school. Its come to that point already. Winter.
every end of January I seem to get more irritable than usual. They call it cabin fever, but I think I preferred being at my cabin. There I was alone. Here its a fever that I cant escape I cant find a happy place here. I need new guitar strings. Maybe I'll start painting. Where can I buy an easel?
by February's end, I'll be good again, but I'll also need to get out....I think I'll go to Edmonton then. Yes, visit Kim and Mat Busby. Dig it....Yes..Dig it indeed.

Hiroshima

2005-01-11T13:38:00.000-06:00

The stars project that this month will be hard for me to find a place, find a rountine. I'm in a rut of random swerving. To get right to the point, I have no ambition. Life, such as it is teaches lessons to late. Just watching TV, could have fixed the problem that's now unfixable. Time to move out and start again.
really the whole thing will come two and this hangover of a month will soo be over. We're almost halfway there.
where did all the interesting things go. I used to look forward to the blog because there was something I had to shout from the mountain. Ambition still escapes me

Becoming a Lion

2005-01-07T14:00:00.000-06:00

Taking the bull by the horns and never speaking in cliches again. Rogers video must die. Well not store 514 in Saskatoon, but certainly this PA store. I just cannot work there no more. For all you scholars, I realize that's a double negative, but I think it illustrates my point.
while searching out the lastest news on the tsunami this afternoon, I came across something interesting. The country of Myanmar, formerly Burma was hit by the tsunami, but very little is known about the effects on the country. Apparently the government refuses to share hats going on with outsiders. Or Something like that. I thought I liked their style and did some research on this crazy place. Definitely interesting. Afterwards I decided to research other crazy countries as tourist destinations. Places like north Korea and whatnot. Its a good time, I recommend checking it out... Not necessarily the actual country but the tourism site.
anyway, I found a lump on my tinsel yesterday. Well... Not yesterday, a while back, but yesterday it felt bigger. Its a relatively hard lump (compared to the flesh of my tonsil) and I'm told that's a goos thing. Apparently the bad lumps are squishier. Either way I should get it checked out. It doesn't seem to be effecting my tonsil in anyway. No sore throat or anything. All my life I've had abnormally large tonsils. Everything I have a check up all the doctor says is "hmmm those are abnormally large tonsils, but healthy abnormally large tonsils. " I just hope I'm ok. I'm quite a hypocondriac a lot of the time. I don't want them to do a biopsy on my tonsil lump I don't want my tonsils out either. I certainly don't want kemo and have all my hair fall out. Though if I did, I would try to keep my moustache like in FUBAR. Stupid fucking lump. Is it weird that I can feel my tonsils with my tounge? I do it all the time to check if they're swollen. Its a real bitch having abnormally large tonsils.
moving on, what's the deal with Rogers video? I move into PA so I can get more hours there and they give me less. Instead of my one 7 hour shift a week I now have one 4 hours shift a week. Fuck those guys. I'm gonna get a new job. I really hate looking for a job and no one wants to hire someone in school. On the plus side I hear the music store in the mall is hiring. I could do that. I mean I finished my training to become the assistant manager of TFM less that a year ago. Then they shut us down.
does anyone realize how much in pains me not to be working in a music store anymore? To settle for less? Some dumb fuck corporation where all the low level employees hail the great Rogers god and never question a single policy. A place where customer service doesn't matter. Loyalty to the company does. A place where if you make a little money as legally possible, but if you work hard enough, then you make a dollar more and and get to pretend you have more power than those whose income is still the legal minimum.
I have a dream that all Joe jobs were created equally. Fast food workers don't quarrel over superiority. Someone who can close the store is no different than someone who runs the till. They just have a set of keys. A place where if there is time to lean, then there is time to lean. We'll clean when the place of business is closed.
that's all I have to say about that.

Violins and Tambourine

2005-01-06T13:28:00.000-06:00

What really is there to talk about on a day like today. As much as I would like to be up on major new events around the world, I'm just too tired. A lot of money has gone to the victims of the tsunami. Billions of dollars thus far. Its nice to see the world caring. That said, lets move on.
so here I am back at SIAST back in the computer lab listening to music playing on the computer. Who knows someday I might learn something.
where has my ability to articulate and organize my thoughts gone? I make that statement so often and have been making it for so long, I don't believe I ever was articulate. Maybe I have a rare gem here and there, but really I would probably need to be on this keyboard all day to get something decent out of myself. I've grown tired and I cant seem to break out of that. November I was a slave to television, what is it now? What am I a slave to now? Embarrassment I think. I'm so determined for no one to ever hear my music that I cant play if there is another person in the house. Maybe that should be my new years resolution that was never made. To sing and play no matter who will hear. I still have this insecure high-school demeanor as part of my personality. Why why why!? Its been 3.5 years since I graduated, I grew in many many ways, but there are some part of that teenage angst that refuses to leave. why cant I suck it up for a few minutes. I still ignore my parents when they try to talk to me....No real reason for that. why cant I just play and sing loudly and not worry what people think about it? Perhaps its all part of the Leo pride. When I play with a band I feel fine doing what I do. I but by myself I have no support. I'm dependent on everyone else. Ironically I don't like working with other musicians. I;m the alpha male and if that is ever threatened..... The only thing is I don't have anything to protect. Its complicated but I'm sure the answers will come to me. I'm tired, wake me up when winter is over.

Adrift Again

2005-01-04T13:25:00.000-06:00

So I hear its the new year. That's good. My resolution is to become a better blogger. At least That's one of the many. The main part of the resolution is to finally organize myself musically and finish what I've started and then start something new again. However being that I'm blogging this entry should be about my blogging. That said, lets get it on.
so this is the new year. The day we decide to garbage everything and start again from scratch. That would be cool. I with every new year everyone had to drastically change something. As if when the clock struck midnight on the new year everyone's clocks go forwards 2.5 hours. It would be like a fun version of daylight savings time that lasts a whole year and has no point. Change for the sake of changed. Or what if when the bell tolls, straight people cannot be married. Only gay people. Or what if dogs were called cats for a year. That would be fucked up. All syndicated television would be so much funny in this new context. It would be like a whole new story. New years eve everyone in the world is given a new agenda. Nothing, more like a game. You can play all year every year. You don thave to play bu then you would be really out of the loop. I think I'll use that concept for my first science fiction novel...Yeah. Maybe I'll be a writer. Too bad I can spell or use grammar or put together ideas or anything like that.
on a more serious note, I feel I should say something about the earthquake/tsunami. What a frightening loss of life. To me it really feels like a sign of the impending apocalypse. Could be global warming, could be an omnipresent angry being. Who knows. Point is, with all the hurricanes this year and now this big wave and the whole sars thing, something isn't sitting right in the waters of the world. Personally I think its the atlantians. Yeah they're still down there somewhere fucking with the water current so they can watch their new high definition televisions. Wow..Where are my ideas coming from today.
so anyway, I don't really believe any of what I say...Other than the hundreds of thousands of people being taken from the world. So on an actual serious note, donate what you can to the red cross to help all those in need. The relief effort has been amazing from all over the world thus far. To quote Matthew Good's Blog "Imagine what could be accomplished if the last 7 days turned into 365 days and covered the globe. "

Wooden Hair

2004-12-28T16:05:00.000-06:00

there alot going down, at least thats what they'd have me believe. if i carried paper and a pen with me everywhere it would be alot easier to sort all these things out. i keep seeing things my time here as a bad television drama. i mean sure there's a story but the dialogue is somethign to be desired. who writes this shit anyway? so basically what i'm saying is that something big is goign to hapen soon. somthing like a powderkeg ready to go off. perhapos the last bastian of defence, something that will send me back to prince albert for good, never ot return. maybe i'm just making more out of this than it really is. at the very least it keeps me entertained and feeling important.
everyone, go out and see the life aquatic. i thought it was amazing.
apperently wes anderson's next film is a stop animation adaptaion of a Roald Dahl book called "the Fantasic Mr. Fox" i'm confident that wes anderson + Roald Dahl = good things.so they tell me the year is ending....thats good. i think we need a change. use it as a distraction. it will be refreshing to go into the future. to see what the new year has for me. if it will be a year of good music, or a year of love or other such things. as long as it a year of progression rather than stagnation. inspiration rahter than distraction. wait.....i think i contradicted myself.

The Destruction of Folk Music

2004-12-20T21:07:00.000-06:00

since i arrived back at my parents house this holiday season, i have been spending most of my time on the computer. mostly just discovering all the new music ive been missing since i have been isolated up north. however, most of what i have been listening to is live tracks by Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel. the thing i am most impressed with is a cd he produced not long ago called "orange twin field works: Vol 1". its actually a compliation of bulgarian folk music he recoded at such a festival in 2000, and it absolutley breathtaking. definatley worth a listen, its only about a half hour long.
if you want to know more about Jeff Mangum (my muscial hero) you can check out this article.

there's not much else to say. i dont want to do a holiday entry or anything lame like that. he i am, back and forth from the north. so much to get done. all i can really do is spend all my money getting drunk and forgetting about it. sounds like a plan. cheers.